I want to apologize to you if my blogs are sounding redundant. I was hesitant to write more, because I have been stuck in this place of learning to rest since last spring and I realize my blogs reflect that :) So, I ask for you to bear with me as what pours out of my heart continues to be the theme of learning to rest.
This blog is from my journal entry on October 19, 2011. The night before I had a revelation of sorts about myself. Rob had come home from work, and as I am in the habit of doing, I began to ask him a question. I am full of lots of questions! I asked him if we were going to pursue an opportunity that may be presenting itself to us in the near future. I told Rob it is not that I have to have this opportunity or am even sure I want this opportunity, I just want to know the answer about whether or not we are going to pursue it. I want to know, because depending on what happens tomorrow or in three months may change how I go about living my day today, the choices I make, and the activities I may choose to do. As soon as I said it, I stopped and added.......but it probably shouldn't, should it?
I have lived my life, for a long time, allowing the future to dictate what my day today will look like. My attitude, my activities, my choices revolve around tomorrow. I have been putting a lot of faith and hope into what I know is coming and what is going to happen next. I feel safe knowing my future. It gives me hope and security. I know how to plan and what to prepare for. I know what purchases to make and which activities would make most sense for me to put my time and effort into. I know that I am prepared. I am ready. Wow! That is very "I" opening, isn't it?
My future should not really affect who I am today, what I do, what attitude I choose to have......my future should not be what I put my hope and faith into. My future should not be the basis of my sense of security and safety. It all should only rest on one person and that is Christ. He is my future, my hope, my security and my safety. My choices, attitudes, and actions should only revolve around and be affected by my relationship with Jesus. He is the only one that should dictate who I am today.
Today I choose to follow Christ. I choose His joy and I choose to be obedient to Him today, no matter what tomorrow, next month, or next year hold for me. Today, I will choose Christ!
Matthew 6:25 says, "Therefore, I tell you, do not worry about your life......"
Monday, October 31, 2011
Monday, October 24, 2011
The Secret to a Joy Filled Life Part 1-Living Fully
I never in one-hundred and a million years would have pegged myself as a person with anxiety. But, alas, I believe that is the correct diagnosis. I am not always anxious, but when it hits, it strikes hard. I begin to worry about many things. I worry about the future, I worry about whether I heard the voice of God correctly, I worry whether my life is being wasted, I worry about whether others have heard the voice of God correctly. My mind swirls with "what if's....." that I never find an answer to and which usually lead to more "what if's". I begin to problem solve problems that aren't even realistic problems yet. A product of my worried mind. Doubt begins to creep in. A very persistent voice tells me I am crazy and that there is nothing more for me.
I wrestled with this a couple weeks ago. I felt angry, frustrated, and scared that maybe the passion God has laid on my heart is simply an unrealistic dream and not attainable. I asked God to please speak to me. His words and His voice always soothe my soul. It is refreshing water that pours over me. In my journal the next morning I wrote, "Daddy, please calm my anxious heart." He spoke and gave me Jeremiah 29:11
"For I know the plans that I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope."
I decided to read the verses preceding that verse and they say:
"Thus says the Lord of hosts, the God of Israel, to all the exiles whom I have sent into exile from Jerusalem to Babylon, build houses and live in them; and plant gardens, and eat their produce. Take wives and become the fathers of sons and daughters, and take wives for your sons and give your daughters to husbands, that they may bear sons and daughters; and multiply there and do not decrease. And seek the welfare of the city where I have sent you into exile, and pray to the Lord on its behalf; for in its welfare you will have welfare. For thus says the Lord of hosts, the God of Israel, Do not let your prophets who are in your midst and your diviners deceive you, and do not listen to the dreams which they dream. For they prophesy falsely to you in My name; I have not sent them declares the Lord. For thus says the Lord, when seventy years have been completed for Babylon, I will visit you and fulfill My good word to you, to bring you back to this place. For I know the plans that I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon Me and come and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. And you will seek Me and find Me, when you search for Me with all your heart. And I will be found by you declares the Lord, and I will restore your fortunes and will gather you from all the nations and from all the places where I have driven you, declares the Lord, and I will bring you back to the place from where I sent you into exile."
God was speaking directly to my anxious heart through this passage of scripture. He said to me,
Settle; live fully right now in the place I have put you. Continue to live and live well. Increase and do not decrease. Seek peace and prosperity in this season of life you are in and you will prosper. Do not listen to the deceiving voice.....I have not sent it. When the time is right, I will fulfill my gracious promise and bring you out of this place. My plans and thoughts for you are good. I do not desire to harm you, but to bring you hope and a future.
Live Fully. Settle yourself. Be faithful. I do not know the future, which is the scary part for me. Remember, I like my ducks in a row and right now I do not have any ducks to put in a row. I am not in control. My comfort and my rest often lean on how much I know about what is coming next. I feel safe when I know what tomorrow holds, when my list of things are checked off, when I know what to expect. I feel God has taken that from me and, at this point, is giving me no clearer vision about my future than this very moment I am living in now. It was a crutch I was leaning on. He has left with one thing and that is Himself. I have nothing else to look to or to rest in except Him and this is the exact position He wants me in.
I do not know the future. But I am slowly wrapping my brain around the fact that IT IS OK. He is doing a new thing in me that simply could not be accomplished if I still had ducks and I was busy lining them all up and chasing down the ones that got out of line. He has given me Himself. He has given me this moment to live fully in for Him.
I wrestled with this a couple weeks ago. I felt angry, frustrated, and scared that maybe the passion God has laid on my heart is simply an unrealistic dream and not attainable. I asked God to please speak to me. His words and His voice always soothe my soul. It is refreshing water that pours over me. In my journal the next morning I wrote, "Daddy, please calm my anxious heart." He spoke and gave me Jeremiah 29:11
"For I know the plans that I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope."
I decided to read the verses preceding that verse and they say:
"Thus says the Lord of hosts, the God of Israel, to all the exiles whom I have sent into exile from Jerusalem to Babylon, build houses and live in them; and plant gardens, and eat their produce. Take wives and become the fathers of sons and daughters, and take wives for your sons and give your daughters to husbands, that they may bear sons and daughters; and multiply there and do not decrease. And seek the welfare of the city where I have sent you into exile, and pray to the Lord on its behalf; for in its welfare you will have welfare. For thus says the Lord of hosts, the God of Israel, Do not let your prophets who are in your midst and your diviners deceive you, and do not listen to the dreams which they dream. For they prophesy falsely to you in My name; I have not sent them declares the Lord. For thus says the Lord, when seventy years have been completed for Babylon, I will visit you and fulfill My good word to you, to bring you back to this place. For I know the plans that I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon Me and come and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. And you will seek Me and find Me, when you search for Me with all your heart. And I will be found by you declares the Lord, and I will restore your fortunes and will gather you from all the nations and from all the places where I have driven you, declares the Lord, and I will bring you back to the place from where I sent you into exile."
God was speaking directly to my anxious heart through this passage of scripture. He said to me,
Settle; live fully right now in the place I have put you. Continue to live and live well. Increase and do not decrease. Seek peace and prosperity in this season of life you are in and you will prosper. Do not listen to the deceiving voice.....I have not sent it. When the time is right, I will fulfill my gracious promise and bring you out of this place. My plans and thoughts for you are good. I do not desire to harm you, but to bring you hope and a future.
Live Fully. Settle yourself. Be faithful. I do not know the future, which is the scary part for me. Remember, I like my ducks in a row and right now I do not have any ducks to put in a row. I am not in control. My comfort and my rest often lean on how much I know about what is coming next. I feel safe when I know what tomorrow holds, when my list of things are checked off, when I know what to expect. I feel God has taken that from me and, at this point, is giving me no clearer vision about my future than this very moment I am living in now. It was a crutch I was leaning on. He has left with one thing and that is Himself. I have nothing else to look to or to rest in except Him and this is the exact position He wants me in.
I do not know the future. But I am slowly wrapping my brain around the fact that IT IS OK. He is doing a new thing in me that simply could not be accomplished if I still had ducks and I was busy lining them all up and chasing down the ones that got out of line. He has given me Himself. He has given me this moment to live fully in for Him.
Thursday, October 6, 2011
All Things Are Possible Through Jesus Christ!
I think I have said this before, but I absolutely love when I read a section of scripture for the one millionth time, and God reveals something new to me through it! I was reading Matthew 14:13-21 about the feeding of the 5,000. It is one of those Bible passages I unfortunately lump together with being a great Sunday School lesson.....I'm ashamed to admit that.....and I skim over it. It was one of Jesus' great miracles and His name was glorified through it. Many saw His power that day. The biggest miracle I saw, as I read this passage again, was the miracle of what happened in the hearts of His disciples.
Jesus asked His disciples to do the impossible on that day. He instructed them to feed 5,000 men and that number does not take into account the amount of women and children that would also have been present. They looked at Jesus dumbfounded (this is my commentary) and looked back at the amount of food they had: five loaves of bread and two fish. A little uncertain and feeling a bit inadequate and incapable of doing as Jesus asked they said, "We have here only five loaves and two fish." I can only imagine how impossible they felt this task was going to be. After all, Jesus had not said He would feed them.... He said, "....YOU give them something to eat!"
Jesus told His disciples to give to Him the food they had. He ordered 5,000 people to sit on the ground and, taking the food provided by His disciples, He blessed it, broke it, and gave the food to the disciples to hand out to the multitude. Imagine with me, the surprise and awe of the disciples as the food did not run out. In my mind, I can see them handing out the bread, getting to what seemed like the end of what was in their hands and thinking, "there is never going to be enough" and then watching as the food simply did not run out! Jesus took the bit the disciples had, multiplied it and everyone ate till they were satisfied.
After everyone was done eating, the disciples gathered the leftovers and filled up 12 baskets! This fact alone is amazing! They began with not enough, then they had enough....and not just enough, but they had more than enough, and ended up having more than they started with! Can you imagine their conversation among each other at the end of the day?! I am sure they stood in amazement of what they had seen!
Jesus showed them the possibilities of what He was able to accomplish through the little bit they had to offer. He showed them the impossible becomes possible THROUGH HIM! The inadequate becomes adequate THROUGH HIM! The incapable become capable THROUGH HIM! How encouraging and awesome this is! Jesus did not just do that for the disciples, He does it for you and me everyday!
I often feel that I have been asked to do the impossible. One of the impossibles in my life right now is having the amount of wisdom, patience, and understanding needed to raise an 11 year old daughter. And yet, Jesus has given her to us and has asked us to raise her. Most of the time, like the disciples, I do not feel I have enough to give. Feeling very incapable and inadequate I say to Him, "but all I have is a minimal amount of wisdom, patience, and understanding. I don't think it is enough!" How encouraging this section of scripture was to me as I read it. Jesus has not asked me to have enough. He has asked me to give Him what I have.....so that He can bless it and multiply it.....so that through Him I will have more than enough wisdom, patience, and understanding. And when it is all said and done, there will be more left over than what I started with!
I encourage you today. If you are feeling inadequate, incapable, and impossibilities loom in front of you, hand over to Jesus the bit you have. He will bless it, multiply it and provide you with more than you need and then some! He will turn your impossibility into possibilities. He will make you adequate and very capable! And all things become possible THROUGH HIM!
Jesus asked His disciples to do the impossible on that day. He instructed them to feed 5,000 men and that number does not take into account the amount of women and children that would also have been present. They looked at Jesus dumbfounded (this is my commentary) and looked back at the amount of food they had: five loaves of bread and two fish. A little uncertain and feeling a bit inadequate and incapable of doing as Jesus asked they said, "We have here only five loaves and two fish." I can only imagine how impossible they felt this task was going to be. After all, Jesus had not said He would feed them.... He said, "....YOU give them something to eat!"
Jesus told His disciples to give to Him the food they had. He ordered 5,000 people to sit on the ground and, taking the food provided by His disciples, He blessed it, broke it, and gave the food to the disciples to hand out to the multitude. Imagine with me, the surprise and awe of the disciples as the food did not run out. In my mind, I can see them handing out the bread, getting to what seemed like the end of what was in their hands and thinking, "there is never going to be enough" and then watching as the food simply did not run out! Jesus took the bit the disciples had, multiplied it and everyone ate till they were satisfied.
After everyone was done eating, the disciples gathered the leftovers and filled up 12 baskets! This fact alone is amazing! They began with not enough, then they had enough....and not just enough, but they had more than enough, and ended up having more than they started with! Can you imagine their conversation among each other at the end of the day?! I am sure they stood in amazement of what they had seen!
Jesus showed them the possibilities of what He was able to accomplish through the little bit they had to offer. He showed them the impossible becomes possible THROUGH HIM! The inadequate becomes adequate THROUGH HIM! The incapable become capable THROUGH HIM! How encouraging and awesome this is! Jesus did not just do that for the disciples, He does it for you and me everyday!
I often feel that I have been asked to do the impossible. One of the impossibles in my life right now is having the amount of wisdom, patience, and understanding needed to raise an 11 year old daughter. And yet, Jesus has given her to us and has asked us to raise her. Most of the time, like the disciples, I do not feel I have enough to give. Feeling very incapable and inadequate I say to Him, "but all I have is a minimal amount of wisdom, patience, and understanding. I don't think it is enough!" How encouraging this section of scripture was to me as I read it. Jesus has not asked me to have enough. He has asked me to give Him what I have.....so that He can bless it and multiply it.....so that through Him I will have more than enough wisdom, patience, and understanding. And when it is all said and done, there will be more left over than what I started with!
I encourage you today. If you are feeling inadequate, incapable, and impossibilities loom in front of you, hand over to Jesus the bit you have. He will bless it, multiply it and provide you with more than you need and then some! He will turn your impossibility into possibilities. He will make you adequate and very capable! And all things become possible THROUGH HIM!
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