I want to apologize to you if my blogs are sounding redundant. I was hesitant to write more, because I have been stuck in this place of learning to rest since last spring and I realize my blogs reflect that :) So, I ask for you to bear with me as what pours out of my heart continues to be the theme of learning to rest.
This blog is from my journal entry on October 19, 2011. The night before I had a revelation of sorts about myself. Rob had come home from work, and as I am in the habit of doing, I began to ask him a question. I am full of lots of questions! I asked him if we were going to pursue an opportunity that may be presenting itself to us in the near future. I told Rob it is not that I have to have this opportunity or am even sure I want this opportunity, I just want to know the answer about whether or not we are going to pursue it. I want to know, because depending on what happens tomorrow or in three months may change how I go about living my day today, the choices I make, and the activities I may choose to do. As soon as I said it, I stopped and added.......but it probably shouldn't, should it?
I have lived my life, for a long time, allowing the future to dictate what my day today will look like. My attitude, my activities, my choices revolve around tomorrow. I have been putting a lot of faith and hope into what I know is coming and what is going to happen next. I feel safe knowing my future. It gives me hope and security. I know how to plan and what to prepare for. I know what purchases to make and which activities would make most sense for me to put my time and effort into. I know that I am prepared. I am ready. Wow! That is very "I" opening, isn't it?
My future should not really affect who I am today, what I do, what attitude I choose to have......my future should not be what I put my hope and faith into. My future should not be the basis of my sense of security and safety. It all should only rest on one person and that is Christ. He is my future, my hope, my security and my safety. My choices, attitudes, and actions should only revolve around and be affected by my relationship with Jesus. He is the only one that should dictate who I am today.
Today I choose to follow Christ. I choose His joy and I choose to be obedient to Him today, no matter what tomorrow, next month, or next year hold for me. Today, I will choose Christ!
Matthew 6:25 says, "Therefore, I tell you, do not worry about your life......"
1 comment:
Melody, it sounds like you and I are a lot alike. I have the same "thing"; I gotta know what's going on! That's been the most difficult part of our overseas living experience. We never really know what's happening from one year to the next. The company could reformat the accounting department at any time and we get shipped off to some place like Azerbaijan! I think I would like it better there than in China...
For the first time I've been able to really surrender that and this is the first year that I've not had that horrible feeling of being homeless. I don't know where I'm going to live next year. I can't do a lot of things I want to do, because things I want to do involve decorating and furniture for a house we don't know how long we're going to be in. There's been a peace this time around that I've not known before. It's been nice! I kinda like this surrender thing.
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