Lest I Forget: The Gift of Praise and The Faithfulness of God

Last Tuesday after I posted Lest I Forget:  The Gift of Salvation, I thought that I should continue writing about the goodness of God in my life.  It is a good way for me to focus always on what God has done.  As I mentioned last week, it is easy to quickly forget and to begin grumbling and complaining.  I began thinking about the other areas of my life God has blessed me in.  I thought about how He has brought me through addictions, depression, and other areas I may touch on later.  However for today, I felt I should focus on thanking God for the gift of my life, because I probably never should have been born. 

When my mom, Joy, was two months pregnant with me, she was attacked and raped.  According to the police, it was astonishing that my mom had not been brutally wounded or killed.  However, God chose to spare us.  Since this story is more of my moms story then it is mine, I asked her permission to share it and I also asked her if I could put it in her own words.  She agreed.  Saturday night, before I went to bed, I opened up the email mom had sent to me and I read her story.  Tears began to well up and overflow as I began to read and relive my moms story.  It played through my mind like a movie.  By the time I reached the end, I knew my focus for today could no longer be about God giving me the gift of life.  Am I thankful that He spared my mom and I?  Most definately!  And I give Him praise for it!  However, this is more about His gift of praise and more importantly the gift of His faithfulness even through horrible circumstances.  The following is my moms experience:

For several years I had been seriously questioning the reality of my faith and was faith in God really something I wanted to continue to pursue or not.   About 6 months before the rape,  I cried out to God concerning my doubts and whether I really wanted to serve Him or not.  One day God answered my prayers in a very powerful, life-changing way.  That day I fell in love with Jesus and from git go, God spoke to my heart continually about the whole issue of learning and choosing to give thanks in EVERYTHING!  And as I practiced doing so in my own life, I had so much VICTORY and I often shared with people on a one to one bases, encouraging them to give thanks in EVERYTHING!  Well, the day came – about 6 months down the road – that I was severely tested.  The Bible says-

“He knoweth the way that I take and when He hath tried me I shall come forth as gold.” 

The Bible promises that all of God's children will have trouble in this world (John 16:33).  The Amplified Bible says-

“In the world you have tribulations and trials and distress and frustration;... 

I Peter 1 says-

“You should be exceedingly glad on this account, though now for a little while you may be distressed by trials and suffer temptations, so that the genuineness of your faith which is infinitely more precious than the perishable gold which is tested and purified by fire...may be found unto praise and honor and glory at the appearing of Christ Jesus our Lord.” 

James says-

“Consider it wholly joyful, my brethren, whenever you are enveloped in or encounter trials of any sort, or fall into various temptations.  Be assured and understand that the trial and proving of your faith bring out endurance and steadfastness and patience.”  

Yes, trials, testings, and temptations – to a greater or lessor degree are promised to all of God's children.  But praise God, we have this promise.   Repeatedly we are given the Promise of His Presence, His strength, His grace, His peace, - yes, His joy in the midst of our difficulties and we are promised in Rom.8:28 that God is working everything that happens in our lives into a pattern for good.  That-

“Greater is He Who is in us than he that is in the world.” 

“Thanks be unto God Who gives us the VICTORY through our Lord Jesus Christ.” 

“We are more than overcomers through Him Who LOVES us.” 

“For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal weight of glory that far outweighs them all.” 

He Promises to give us beauty for our ashes, the oil of joy for mourning and a garment of praise for that old spirit of heaviness that we may be called the trees of righteousness, the planting of the Lord that He may be glorified.  Oh, I am so THANKFUL for these exceeding great and precious Promises whereby we are partakers of the Divine Nature of God!  The precious Promises of God just make life for me!!

We moved to Louisville just a couple months after becoming ALIVE IN JESUS.  He truly gave me something (SOMEONE) to witness about and I did just that – every opportunity I had!  We moved in May and in November of that year I was greatly tested.  We were living in a small house sandwiched between a very large church house and a very busy railroad track.  We were building a utility room onto the house and were needing linoleum for that room.  One day, when JD came home from school  we decided to walk to a hardware store that was approximately 3 blocks from our house.  We decided to walk to the store via the railroad track because it was closer to go that way than by the way of the street.  It was JD, Anthony (he 26 months old), and myself and I was 2 months pregnant with Melody.  We walked to the store and the minute we stepped into the store I saw a piece of linoleum I wanted and the price was reasonable, so JD, though he was very surprised at how quickly I had picked something out, agreed it would be fine to purchase it.  There were probably 4 or 5 people at the check out counter and I could see that there would be a little wait before we could actually purchase the linoleum.  Since it was later in the afternoon I suggested to JD that he take Anthony and I would walk on home and get supper started so it might even be prepared by the time they got home.  So he took Anthony and I took the house keys.  I stepped outside the door of the store and there was a long slow train on the railroad track.  So I thought I would just walk along side the train and wait to pass over the track until right by our house (hopefully, the train would be done by then).  So I walked along the track and all of a sudden I thought I felt a presence behind me.  I wasn't hearing a presence because all I could hear was the noise of the train but I felt a presence.  I stopped and halfway turned around and immediately a young man threw his arms around my neck and said, “don't resist, I've got a gun.”  Immediately the thought came to my mind, “you cooperate and you praise Me.”  I recognized it as the still, small voice of God and I did exactly what He told me to do.  I cooperated with the young man and I began verbally praising the Lord.  Over and over again I said phrases like:  “Thank You, Jesus, Praise You, Jesus, Hallelujah” as the young man shuffled me along into an alley and then onto the back porch of an empty house.  There the man commanded me to keep my eyes closed which I later saw as a God-sent command, because it was so much easier to keep my thought life centered on God when I wasn't seeing what was happening to me.  I'm sure he gave me that command with the intent of protecting himself, but it served as a wonderful protection for me also.  He told me if I didn't keep my eyes shut he would break pop bottles over my head.  I don't think he had a gun (only said so as his way of scaring me) but later on I saw the pop bottles and knew the place had been prepared for a rape.  And I think, had I not cooperated he probably would have broken the bottles over my head.  He also slapped my face several times.  I'm sure he felt totally annoyed by the praises I was giving to God.  He realized right there and then he had picked up an unusual one.  He tore up my clothes and commanded me to lie down.  And he raped me.  While he was raping me I had perfect peace. I was not afraid of him and I had presence of mind to witness to him – to tell him that Jesus loves him and that the reason my husband and I were living in a black community was because we wanted to see healing come between black and while people.  I cannot say for sure that he was a black man but I believe he was – he spoke their lingo very well.  There were strange circumstances about that rape that I do not verbalize to many people.  I verbalized ALL the details to the policeman that came to our house after the rape.  He just shook his head and said, “Lady, it's a wonder that you are alive.”  He went on to say that with the circumstances that were involved in my experience, a rapist will inevitably either brutally wound or kill the victim.  When the policeman said that to me I remember responding with, “sir, he couldn't have killed me if he'd wanted to – God's not done with my life here on this earth.”  I was just terribley aware of that fact when it was all over with.

 When the rapist realized that the train was all done he said to me, “now I'm going to tie you up.”  And then it just suddenly dawned on me that he might kill me.  In my mind I quietly said to the Lord, “Lord, what about JD and Anthony?”  I felt like they still needed me.  So sweetly the thought came to my mind, “If I allow you to be killed, I already have someone better in mind for JD and Anthony.  Such a sweet peace came over me as I realized the Truth of how much God love JD and Anthony and was tenderly caring for them.  And to my mind came a glorious picture:  I saw huge, huge iron gates and the gates were standing open just maybe 2 feet.  And all around the gates were glorious, dazzling, sparkling LIGHT and in my heart I instantly knew the picture represented Heaven and oh, how I LONGED to go there.  I was not afraid of being killed.  In fact, seeing that picture, I LONGED for it!!!  And then I heard the young man say, “Now, I'm going to leave, and I want you to count to 60 before you open your eyes.”  And he told me exactly how to count – very slowly.  Then I realized he wasn't going to kill me and I actually felt disappointed.  I heard the screen door slam and I was pretty sure he had left, but I counted to 70 rather then to 60 at the pace he told me to count.  I opened my eyes and yes, he was gone and yes, I saw glass pop bottles laying in a corner of the porch.  My dress was ripped up on the top but I was so thankful I had a sweater on.  He did not take it and he didn't take my keys either.  I pushed the bottom half of my dress down and pulled my sweater around me and I was so thankful – at least I was not naked to walk to the house.  Through this entire experience God had miraculously filled me with peace.  He says-

“Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you.  I do not give to you as the world gives.  Do not let your hearts be troubled  and do not be afraid,”  (John 14:27) 

“I have told you these things so that in Me you may have peace.  In this world you will have trouble.  But take heart!  I have overcome the world.”  (John 16:33) 

“Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on Thee for he trusteth in Thee,”  (Isa. 26:3) 

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”  (Phil. 4:6,7) 

Those verses are really true.  The peace of God transcends all understanding.  We can't begin to understand how it is possible to have peace in the midst of great difficulties, but by God's Word and Him honoring His Word it is possible!  Since that experience, I have come to understand in a deeper way how it was possible for our forefathers to sing while they were being burned at the stake.  How Paul and Silas could be praying and singing hymns to God after being stripped naked in public and then severely beaten and put into jail in solitary confinement, and their feet were chained.  God says-

“My Grace is sufficient for you; My strength is made perfect in your weakness.” 

And that's the only way I can figure it out is just because God's Grace is enough for us and whatever we face in life, His Grace is greater still!  As I left that back porch and stepped outside the thought came to me so clearly, “RUN, you are in evil territory,” and I felt such fear!  I wanted to run desperately, but the thought came to me so clearly, “You don't need to be afraid – I'm walking right here with you.”  I remember feeling an urgency within myself as I said, “yes, Lord, let's go.”  When I got back to the house, JD and the neighbors were all out looking for me.  JD said that when he saw me, he felt sure I had been raped.  (I had lost one shoe and I'm sure I looked very disheveled).  JD sent everyone home and we went in the house and he called the police.  He called Mark and Fanny Peachy to come get Anthony.  Oh yes, one more thing the police told me is that he felt sure that the thing that had saved my life was the fact that I did not put up a fight and that I was willing to cooperate.  (I thought, “no wonder God told me to cooperate...”)  After talking to the police, we went to the hospital  to be physically checked and there I also met with people from rape relief.  From there we went to the police station and spent hours looking at pictures trying to identify who it had been, but it wasn't helpful because I hadn't even seen the guy except just that initial glimpse when I had half way turned around.  Everywhere we went I had opportunity to share Jesus with people.  The courage level stayed strong within me throughout the night.  JD and I got home from the police station around midnight and I felt exhausted by then!

About 2 nights later, Anthony had cried during the night so I went to his room and lay in his half bed with him.  Anthony soon fell asleep again, but I lay just quietly crying out to God and telling God I just don't understand why He would have allowed this to happen to me.  As I was doing so, Job came to my mind.  I knew it was God because I could not remember when I had last read in the Book of Job.  God said to me that satan came to Him and told Him that if He would allow me to be raped, I would surely stop praising Him.  God told Satan that no, I would not stop but to prove it to him, He allowed satan to do that to me.  Boy, something BIG happened inside of me when I heard that.  I felt STRENGTH rising up from deep within my belly until it was way up in my throat and I thought, “Devil, you have had it!  If you think I will stop praising God because of this, you've got another guess a-comin,  because I am going to PRAISE MY GOD LOUDER THAN EVER BEFORE!!!”  That was a TREMENDOUS BOLSTER to my faith!  The Psalmist says-

“Many are the troubles of the righteous but the LORD delivers him out of them all.” 

“This poor man (woman) cried and the LORD heard him/her and saved him/her out of all his/her troubles.” 

GOD IS FAITHFUL!!!!   AMEN, AMEN, AMEN!!!!  There were yet many troubles after the rape:  we had 8 break ins into our house; the first one which happened only 3 weeks after the rape was a very traumatic experience also but then again, GOD WAS FAITHFUL IN AND THROUGH IT ALL!!!!!

Lest I Forget: the Gift of Salvation

This morning I was reading through Exodus 16-18. I have read this passage of scripture many times, however each time the same lesson jumps out at me. It is a lesson that I continue to reach for. It is the lesson of not forgetting all the miracles, blessings and provisions of God in my life. I am so much like the Isrealites!

The Irealites, only 8 weeks prior, had been set free from 400 years of bondage and slavery. This is reason enough to rejoice, right? However, within two months they begin to grumble and complain because they are hungry and are lacking food. Now I must be honest at this point. After 8 weeks of walking through a wilderness I probably would have also been complaining. One of my biggest pet peeves is being hungry! It is right up there with being cold, I hate that too! God heard their cries of hunger and provided food for them. The Isrealites gathered what they needed, they ate, and by the end of the chapter, they seem to be content again. But keep reading! By the next chapter, thirst sets in and the grumbling and complaints begins all over again. They begin to doubt whether or not God is with them. Never once did anyone stop and say, "hey, remember how God delivered us from Egypt and Pharoh? Do you remember how our God sent all those plagues on the Egyptians!? That was awesome! We serve a wonderful and caring God who fights our battles for us and delivers us from our enemies! Oh, and remember how when we were hungry He provided us with mana?! That was really cool too! God has never let us down and I know that even now in our need He is going to once again provide for us. Let's praise Him and thank Him for all He has done in our lives!" Nope, instead the Isrealites seemed to have forgotten all the many times God had provided for them, blessed them, and cared for them. I wonder what the out come would have been if they would have been praising God instead of complaining?

It sounds familiar to me though. The forgetting, the complaining, and wondering whether or not God is still around. I can become that way so very easily. I forget the miracles He has done in my life because at that very particular moment I have a need that He doesn't seem to be filling. I need to remember, God has never failed me and He is not going to begin to fail me now. Let me repeat that, God has NEVER failed me, and He is not going to begin to fail me now!

So, I want to begin today remembering to praise and worship Him for all He has done in my life! I desire that it becomes a daily anthem in my life, lest I begin to forget all that He has done!

Today, I praise you Father for the biggest and greatest gift you have given to me, the gift of your Son Jesus Christ. You have given to me the gift of salvation! You provided for me a father and a mother who took the time and made it a priority to place inside of me the seed of faith. You gave to me a prayer warrior mother who prayed for me before I was born and who has continued to pray for me since the day of my birth. I thank you for the day that I asked you into my life and the assurance you gave to me, after the third time I asked you into my heart, that my sins were truly forgiven. I will never forget the feeling of peace and assurance that rolled over my body that night as I laid in bed. I thank you because that night was only the beginning of learning to walk in a relationship with you. I thank you and praise you because you have never left me alone even in my many moments of imperfection and weakness. Instead, you have lovingly fathered my through those times, picking me back up to my feet, dusting me off, and encouraging me to continue on. You have carried me through! I can't wait to see what you will continue to teach me and I look forward to a future of walking with you! I love you Holy Father! Thank you for your awesome gift of salvation!!!!

Worship

This morning, in my prayer time, I did my usual of asking God to please take care of some of the concerns in my life.....the details I have no control over. As I prayed, the words of a song by Kari Jobe began to play through my mind, "I just want to wait on you my God". I went to YouTube and looked the song up and began to listen to it.....and worship, and Gods peace began to wash over me. It is amazing to me, that when I lay it all down at His feet and focus completely on Him, the details no longer begin to matter. Peace pours over me. He is an awesome God! He will care for the details of our life and as I lay them down at His feet all that is left in my vision is Jesus. All that is left is worshiping Him. I encourage you today to lay it all down at His feet knowing that He will work all things out for good in your life. Focus completely on Him and His beauty. Worship Him and allow Him to fill the deepest need in your heart....a beautiful relationship with Him.

A Lesson in Gift Giving

"For God so loved the world, He gave his only begotten son, that whosoever believeth in Him shall not perish but have eternal life."  John 3:16

This Christmas season, our family has the opportunity to purchase gifts, food, and essentials for a family in need.  I love doing things like this!  I had so much fun the other day going to the store with the list of items their family could use!  I worked myself down the list; carefully selected each item, trying to find the very best thing.  However, when my shopping trip started, a thought entered my head.  "What if I buy these things and the family doesn't take care of them?  Should I really pick out the best, or should I spend a little less and get the cheapest alternative?  What if, on the first day they have these toys, they loose the pieces or break it?  Should I really buy the nicest things if there is a chance the family may not appreciate the gift?  I sat debating for a bit and then God spoke to me.

How did Christ give to me?  The Father did not stop to debate with Himself or second guess the precious gift of His only Son.  God did not ask, "What if I send Jesus and My gift is not appreciated?  What if people squander the gift of My Son, mistreat Him, take advantage of Him?  What if instead of accepting the gift of My son, they reject Him?  God never asked these questions.  In fact, He already knew these things were going to happen to His Son..........and yet He gave anyway.  He gave willinging.   He gave everything.  He gave His very best.  He did not hold back!

God had given me an opportunity to be His hands and feet.  To give to others as He has given to me.  It was not my job to figure out if this family will appreciate the gifts or take care of them.  It really doesn't matter.  What matters, is the opportunity to give like my heavenly Father gave to me.  My thoughts changed from, "will they take care of this" to "if I was buying for my own children, what would I want them to have?  What is the best I can get for them?"  How much fun it was to give as much as we could and to give the best we could! 

It was a wonderful reminder of what my Father has given to me.  I am in awe of His gift!  So much love He has for me and for each on of us, that He would give His best, His only Son, to die on a cross (already knowing our weaknesses and our sins) so that each one of us may live!

The Secret to a Joy Filled Life Part 3- The Joy of My Salvation

Luke 10:17-20- "And the seventy returned with joy, saying, 'Lord, even the demons are subject to us in Your name.'  And He said to them, 'I was watching Satan fall from heaven like lightning.  Behold, I have given you authority to tread upon serpents and scorpions, and over all the power of the enemy, and nothing shall injure you.  Nevertheless do not rejoice in this, that the spirits are subject to you, but rejoice that your names are recorded in heaven.'"

I can relate to the seventy.  I can only begin to imagine their absolute excitement over what they had seen and been a part of.  Their joy must have been almost uncontainable as they recounted their day to Jesus!
       
 "Jesus, you will never believe what happened!  Wow!  It was so awesome!  We were casting out demons left and right.....and they had to listen to us!  It is so great to see you perform these miracles, but now we are able to do it too.  It is so awesome to be a part of what you are doing!  This is so exciting!" 

They must have been on fire and bubbling over with excitement.  I can imagine them high-fiving and slapping each other's backs.  They were stoked!  :)

It is exciting to be a part of what God is doing and to experience Him working through us!  That is a reason to rejoice, for sure!  However, Jesus was quick to point the seventy back to what really was important....their own personal salvation.  He reminded them that their joy and celebration must come, not so much from what they are doing, but from the relationship they have with their Heavenly Father and that their names have been recorded in heaven. 

It is all about my relationship with Christ and that is where my joy needs to be found.  It is so simple and freeing and yet it is the simpleness of it that becomes my downfall.......because if I am not careful, I quickly loose sight.  The "excitement" wears off, my daily time with Him becomes just another thing to do.  I take Jesus and my salvation in Him for granted,  and I begin look for the next exciting ride.  Ouch!  This hurt the first time God spoke it to me and hurts again to type it out for others to read.

As I am learning more about this, I am realizing that if my joy is found in Jesus and in the glorious gift of His salvation, then I am able to stand firm no matter what comes my way.  Because my joy is no longer dependent on life's circumstances, which change so quickly, but my joy is found in Jesus Christ who never changes!  It has been hard for me to wrap my head around this.  I have found myself easily being swayed by life's circumstances and each time Jesus reminds me to find my joy in Him.  I have yet to perfect it and daily find myself falling short.  But, like Paul says in Philippians, I will press on toward the goal!

Joy found in Christ Jesus comes in remembering what He did for me.  The excitement is rooted in daily realizing the blessing and gift I have of being intimate with the risen Saviour who desires me and loves me.  My joy is made complete, not in the task He has given me to do or called me to.  I can do "His will" all day long, but if I am not walking intimately with Jesus than doing "His will" will amount to a heap of rubble in my life.

Father, it is my desire to find my joy in you.  You are the joy of my salvation!  You are never changing.  The circumstances of my life often change, but they cannot change my salvation in You.  My salvation and life in you is steadfast.  I want to stand firm in you daily.  I want to have your joy daily, no matter how grouchy my children are, no matter whether my work gets done, no matter whether my plans get changed.......Teach me to live a joy filled life.

The Secret to a Joy Filled Life Part 2- Today I Choose Christ

I want to apologize to you if my blogs are sounding redundant.  I was hesitant to write more, because I have been stuck in this place of learning to rest since last spring and I realize my blogs reflect that :)  So, I ask for you to bear with me as what pours out of my heart continues to be the theme of learning to rest.

This blog is from my journal entry on October 19, 2011.  The night before I had a revelation of sorts about myself.  Rob had come home from work, and as I am in the habit of doing, I began to ask him a question.  I am full of lots of questions!  I asked him if we were going to pursue an opportunity that may be presenting itself to us in the near future.  I told Rob it is not that I have to have this opportunity or am even sure I want this opportunity, I just want to know the answer about whether or not we are going to pursue it.  I want to know, because depending on what happens tomorrow or in three months may change how I go about living my day today, the choices I make, and the activities I may choose to do.  As soon as I said it, I stopped and added.......but it probably shouldn't, should it?

I have lived my life, for a long time, allowing the future to dictate what my day today will look like.  My attitude, my activities, my choices revolve around tomorrow.  I have been putting a lot of faith and hope into what I know is coming and what is going to happen next.  I feel safe knowing my future.  It gives me hope and security.  I know how to plan and what to prepare for.  I know what purchases to make and which activities would make most sense for me to put my time and effort into.  I know that I am prepared.  I am ready.  Wow!  That is very "I" opening, isn't it?

My future should not really affect who I am today, what I do, what attitude I choose to have......my future should not be what I put my hope and faith into.  My future should not be the basis of my sense of security and safety.  It all should only rest on one person and that is Christ.  He is my future, my hope, my security and my safety.  My choices, attitudes, and actions should only revolve around and be affected by my relationship with Jesus.  He is the only one that should dictate who I am today.

Today I choose to follow Christ.  I choose His joy and I choose to be obedient to Him today, no matter what tomorrow, next month, or next year hold for me.  Today, I will choose Christ!

Matthew 6:25 says, "Therefore, I tell you,  do not worry about your life......"

The Secret to a Joy Filled Life Part 1-Living Fully

I never in one-hundred and a million years would have pegged myself as a person with anxiety.  But, alas, I believe that is the correct diagnosis.  I am not always anxious, but when it hits, it strikes hard.  I begin to worry about many things.  I worry about the future, I worry about whether I heard the voice of God correctly, I worry whether my life is being wasted, I worry about whether others have heard the voice of God correctly.  My mind swirls with "what if's....." that I never find an answer to and which usually lead to more "what if's".  I begin to problem solve problems that aren't even realistic problems yet.  A product of my worried mind.  Doubt begins to creep in.  A very persistent voice tells me I am crazy and that there is nothing more for me.

I wrestled with this a couple weeks ago.  I felt angry, frustrated, and scared that maybe the passion God has laid on my heart is simply an unrealistic dream and not attainable.  I asked God to please speak to me.  His words and His voice always soothe my soul.  It is refreshing water that pours over me.  In my journal the next  morning I wrote, "Daddy, please calm my anxious heart."  He spoke and gave me Jeremiah 29:11

"For I know the plans that I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope." 

I decided to read the verses preceding that verse and they say:

"Thus says the Lord of hosts, the God of Israel, to all the exiles whom I have sent into exile from Jerusalem to Babylon, build houses and live in them; and plant gardens, and eat their produce.  Take wives and become the fathers of sons and daughters, and take wives for your sons and give your daughters to husbands, that they may bear sons and daughters; and multiply there and do not decrease.  And seek the welfare of the city where I have sent you into exile, and pray to the Lord on its behalf; for in its welfare you will have welfare.  For thus says the Lord of hosts, the God of Israel, Do not let your prophets who are in your midst and your diviners deceive you, and do not listen to the dreams which they dream.  For they prophesy falsely to you in My name; I have not sent them declares the Lord.  For thus says the Lord, when seventy years have been completed for Babylon, I will visit you and fulfill My good word to you, to bring you back to this place.  For I know the plans that I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope.  Then you will call upon Me and come and pray to Me, and I will listen to you.  And you will seek Me and find Me, when you search for Me with all your heart.  And I will be found by you declares the Lord, and I will restore your fortunes and will gather you from all the nations and from all the places where I have driven you, declares the Lord, and I will bring you back to the place from where I sent you into exile."

God was speaking directly to my anxious heart through this passage of scripture.  He said to me,

Settle; live fully right now in the place I have put you.  Continue to live and live well.  Increase and do not decrease.  Seek peace and prosperity in this season of life you are in and you will prosper.  Do not listen to the deceiving voice.....I have not sent it.  When the time is right, I will fulfill my gracious promise and bring you out of this place.  My plans and thoughts for you are good.  I do not desire to harm you, but to bring you hope and a future.

Live Fully.  Settle yourself.  Be faithful.   I do not know the future, which is the scary part for me.  Remember, I like my ducks in a row and right now I do not have any ducks to put in a row.  I am not in control.  My comfort and my rest often lean on how much I know about what is coming next.  I feel safe when I know what tomorrow holds, when my list of things are checked off, when I know what to expect.  I feel God has taken that from me and, at this point, is giving me no clearer vision about my future than this very moment I am living in now.  It was a crutch I was leaning on.  He has left with one thing and that is Himself.  I have nothing else to look to or to rest in except Him and this is the exact position He wants me in. 

I do not know the future.  But I am slowly wrapping my brain around the fact that IT IS OK.  He is doing a new thing in me that simply could not be accomplished if I still had ducks and I was busy lining them all up and chasing down the ones that got out of line.  He has given me Himself.  He has given me this moment to live fully in for Him.