The Secret to a Joy Filled Life Part 1-Living Fully

I never in one-hundred and a million years would have pegged myself as a person with anxiety.  But, alas, I believe that is the correct diagnosis.  I am not always anxious, but when it hits, it strikes hard.  I begin to worry about many things.  I worry about the future, I worry about whether I heard the voice of God correctly, I worry whether my life is being wasted, I worry about whether others have heard the voice of God correctly.  My mind swirls with "what if's....." that I never find an answer to and which usually lead to more "what if's".  I begin to problem solve problems that aren't even realistic problems yet.  A product of my worried mind.  Doubt begins to creep in.  A very persistent voice tells me I am crazy and that there is nothing more for me.

I wrestled with this a couple weeks ago.  I felt angry, frustrated, and scared that maybe the passion God has laid on my heart is simply an unrealistic dream and not attainable.  I asked God to please speak to me.  His words and His voice always soothe my soul.  It is refreshing water that pours over me.  In my journal the next  morning I wrote, "Daddy, please calm my anxious heart."  He spoke and gave me Jeremiah 29:11

"For I know the plans that I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope." 

I decided to read the verses preceding that verse and they say:

"Thus says the Lord of hosts, the God of Israel, to all the exiles whom I have sent into exile from Jerusalem to Babylon, build houses and live in them; and plant gardens, and eat their produce.  Take wives and become the fathers of sons and daughters, and take wives for your sons and give your daughters to husbands, that they may bear sons and daughters; and multiply there and do not decrease.  And seek the welfare of the city where I have sent you into exile, and pray to the Lord on its behalf; for in its welfare you will have welfare.  For thus says the Lord of hosts, the God of Israel, Do not let your prophets who are in your midst and your diviners deceive you, and do not listen to the dreams which they dream.  For they prophesy falsely to you in My name; I have not sent them declares the Lord.  For thus says the Lord, when seventy years have been completed for Babylon, I will visit you and fulfill My good word to you, to bring you back to this place.  For I know the plans that I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope.  Then you will call upon Me and come and pray to Me, and I will listen to you.  And you will seek Me and find Me, when you search for Me with all your heart.  And I will be found by you declares the Lord, and I will restore your fortunes and will gather you from all the nations and from all the places where I have driven you, declares the Lord, and I will bring you back to the place from where I sent you into exile."

God was speaking directly to my anxious heart through this passage of scripture.  He said to me,

Settle; live fully right now in the place I have put you.  Continue to live and live well.  Increase and do not decrease.  Seek peace and prosperity in this season of life you are in and you will prosper.  Do not listen to the deceiving voice.....I have not sent it.  When the time is right, I will fulfill my gracious promise and bring you out of this place.  My plans and thoughts for you are good.  I do not desire to harm you, but to bring you hope and a future.

Live Fully.  Settle yourself.  Be faithful.   I do not know the future, which is the scary part for me.  Remember, I like my ducks in a row and right now I do not have any ducks to put in a row.  I am not in control.  My comfort and my rest often lean on how much I know about what is coming next.  I feel safe when I know what tomorrow holds, when my list of things are checked off, when I know what to expect.  I feel God has taken that from me and, at this point, is giving me no clearer vision about my future than this very moment I am living in now.  It was a crutch I was leaning on.  He has left with one thing and that is Himself.  I have nothing else to look to or to rest in except Him and this is the exact position He wants me in. 

I do not know the future.  But I am slowly wrapping my brain around the fact that IT IS OK.  He is doing a new thing in me that simply could not be accomplished if I still had ducks and I was busy lining them all up and chasing down the ones that got out of line.  He has given me Himself.  He has given me this moment to live fully in for Him.