Trust

Why is it so hard to trust? More so, why is it so hard to trust God? When I was little, I remember playing a game to teach trust. A person would stand behind you, and you were supposed to fall back and TRUST they would catch you in their arms. I remember that being a very hard excercise for me to do! I had such a hard time trusting. I have found, as an adult, trust has continued to be an issue for me as well. It is hard to trust. Why? Trust involves vulnerability. It means I have to open up myself to you, give you my heart, my desires, wants, and dreams and TRUST that you will handle them with care. That you won't hurt me......we don't want to be hurt and so it is easier to hang onto everything we are in order to protect ourselves from being hurt. In Proverbs 3:5 it says, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding." We are called to trust. To become vulnerable. To hand over to God all of our hopes, all of our dreams, all of our desires, every part of who we are and to REST in the fact that God will handle us with care. We are asked to not be afraid of what He may choose to do with out hopes, dreams, and with our life. The funny thing to me is this......He gave it all to me anyway. He gave me my life, He placed in me hopes, dreams, desires. They were all His to begin with! I just have a bad habit of clinging to them and saying, "now they are mine, all mine." But He gave them to me to be used in my life for His glory, but in order for that to happen; I have to give them back to Him. I have to trust Him to "will and do His good pleasure" (Philippians 2:13) in my life. So why is it so hard to give back to God what was His to begin with? Because, what happens if I give it back and He chooses to do something I don't like, or is hard to do, or he does something that even is painful? What if I give it to Him and He never gives it back and I never get to live out my hopes, dreams, and desires? What if God screws it all up?! And I can see it clearly now. The focus goes from being used for the Glory of God (which is what our lives are for), to being used for the Glory of Me! Hard to admit but true! I love the rest of Proverbs 3, because it speaks directly to this fear. In the Message it says it this way: Don't assume that you know it all.    Run to God! Run from evil! Your body will glow with health,    your very bones will vibrate with life! Honor God with everything you own;    give him the first and the best. Your barns will burst,    your wine vats will brim over. But don't, dear friend, resent God's discipline;    don't sulk under his loving correction. It's the child he loves that God corrects;    a father's delight is behind all this. I love that last part! It's the child he lives that God corrects; a father's delight is behind it all!. Isn't that good!? A Father's delight! We (I) need to come to a place of trusting that my Father who is a giver of all good things will never harm me, no matter what the circumstance or situation feels like to me. When I trust Him with all of me, body, mind, and soul; I have to trust He will lead me on the right path. The path that will bring Glory to His Name through my life. This is my desire! To trust and to know (that no matter what happens in my life), that my Father would never ask me to walk through something, give something up, or do something that is not for His glory and for My Good! I want to learn to trust more. I want to learn to give back to my Father what He has given to me. I want my life to be a vessel through which His Glory is proclaimed. I want to trust and to know that when I allow myself to lean back, the arms of my Jesus will catch me not just once, but every time! Trust in the Lord!

Running the Race

Philippians 4:13  "I can do everything through him who gives me strength."
Philippians 1:6 "being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus."
2 Corinthians 12:9a "But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.'"

Endurance

These verses rattled through my head this morning as I huffed and puffed through a 4.7 mile run.  As I ran, I felt God begin to lay an exhortation on my heart that is not a new one for me, but He knows I obvioulsy need to hear it again cause I have not learned to walk it out completely yet.  It is the issue of endurance in my life.  My definition of endurance is this:  Endurance and winning are not quantified by how fast you run.  It is meausred by whether or not you are still moving forward and by whether or not you finish the race.  If one foot is being placed in front of the other and you are not moving backwards, then you are on the path to enduring through the race and you are winning.  The important part is you are moving forward and, at some point, you cross the finish line. 

Endurance is hard for me.  I often feel like quitting especially when I don't see results quick enough or the results I am looking for.  It is easy to second guess myself and question whether or not I am really doing what God has asked me to do or maybe did I just make it all up in my head?  When things seem to be at a stand still, I want to opt out of the race and go join another that looks more exciting.....instead of continuing to run the race.....given to me......to run.  I want answers and I want them quick.  I want the writing on the wall.  I want a booming voice with thunder and lightening that says, "Melody, this is God and this is my plan for you!"  I want steps A, B, and C and back up plan D.  I want it spelled out clearily and when it is not.......my first reaction is to quit and second guess what I first felt laid on my heart. 

I often feel like quitting when it gets hard, when my spirit is tired and my spiritual legs feel like jelly beneath me.  When the road gets tough, I question again......is this really the right path?  This morning as I ran and as I felt my physical body giving out I heard God say to me, "I never said it would be easy."  It is the same for my spiritual run.  He is saying to me, "I never said it would be easy."  And that is where those verses came in.  It is not easy, but it is possible through Him who gives me strength.  I may not see an end or make sense of what is happening, but I can rest in the fact that He will bring it to completion.  I may feel weak and my legs want to give out, but it is in my absolute weakness, at the end of all my knowledge, that His strength is made perfect.  He is telling me to keep running!  One foot in front of the other.  Up the hills and through the heat.  Even if I can't go fast, He is telling me to go forward.  He is telling me to keep going.  The question I am left with is this.  God has spoken.  I know the truth.  It is solidly planted in my head.  But do I believe it?  Can I walk it, or should I say, run it out?  Am I willing to obediently run and to keep moving forward whether or not I see the whole picture, whether or not I see the finish line, whether or not I even get the why?

Truth

Truth.  I know God's truth.  It has been planted in my head since I was a child.  But sometimes I find myself falling for one of Satan's oldest tricks.  I find myself believing lies that look and feel like truth, instead of believing the real truth.  Real truth has a habit of not always feeling real.  Not like a lie.  The lie always agrees with our emotions, it somehow feels more real than the truth.  Like this morning.  The truth was I could finish my run.  The truth was, if asked to, I could run farther than the 4.5 I was supposed to run.  However, my mind and my body said otherwise.  It all told me I couldn't.  It told me I was too tired.  It told me to give up.  And quite frankly, I could believe this!  Cause I FELT tired.  It felt easier to believe the lie that I couldn't finish, becuase it agreed with the way my body felt.  But the truth......the truth was I could finish. 

How similiar it is to my spiritual run!  My emotions can tie me up into all kinds of knots and they usually agree with the lies that Satan plants into my head.  The thoughts often run quickly through my head.....you are not enough, you did not really hear God say that, what does it really matter anyway, you are not making a difference, you should quit.  One lie builds on top of the other and it all agrees with what I can see, what I feel, and what my physical world is telling me.  But that should be the kicker for me right there.  It is what I SEE, I FEEL, and what the PHYSICAL WORLD is saying.   That should be enough to remind me that it is a lie.  Why?  Because.  I shouldn't live my life based on what I feel, I see, and what the world around me says.  My life is to be based on the the truth of Jesus Christ.  My truth is what HE SEES, what HE FEELS, and what the WORD OF GOD is saying.  It is the truth of God that sets me free!  The truth of God is what I should base everything off of!  Everything!  It is the only solid foundation that I can trust, completely, 100% ! 

There is a song that often runs through my mind when I run sung by the Desperation Band.  (HA!HA!  I just caught that.  It runs through my head when I run!  LOL!) Ok, I digress.  Anyway.  This song speaks truth:

Joy unspeakable that won't go away and just enough strength to live for today, So I never have to worry what tomorrow will bring, 'Cause my faith is on solid rock, I am counting on God

I am counting on God because He is my truth.

I am counting on God because He is my rock.

I am counting on God because He is my strength.

I am counting on God because He is all that I need for today.

I am counting on God because He is in control.

The Pebble

Lastly, God challenged me, again, to clear out of my life EVERTHING that hinders me in my walk with Him and clear a path for myself that keeps me from stumbling. Hebrews 12:1 says this,

"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perserverance the race marked out for us."

On the last leg of my run this morning, I stepped on a small stone.  I did not actually see it, cause I was running, but I felt it under my shoe.  I could tell it was not very big.  But that little stone, that pebble, almost caused me to side step.  It made me wobble.  If I had side stepped or fallen it would have quickly put an end to my morning run.

Sometimes, it is the little things in our lives, the things that do not seem very significant, that cause us to be hindered in our spiritual race.  They cause us to stumble, side step, and sometimes fall.  Especially if we are already tired.  They are the tiny things I often don't deal with or I push on the back burner to deal with later, or the thing I question whether or not it is really important enough to deal with.  Does it really matter anyway?  It is so small.  It is not going to cause me a problem.  In fact they are so small, sometimes we don't even see them in our path until we have stepped on them......and then down we go and we exclaim, "Where did that come from!?" 

One of these small pebbles in my life has been and unfortunately continues to be the issue of acceptance, being good enough, being chosen.  It is a hard truth about myself that I do not like to look at and I want to be rid of it.  Why?  Because, not being secure in who I am in Christ stumbles me up a lot.  Leads to all those lies I talked about earlier.  In fact, I see in my life where it has kept me from always effectivley leading or accomplishing well a task given to me; because my eyes stay focused on whether or not I feel accepted, chosen, special.....whatever you want to call it.......Instead of keeping my eyes focused on Christ and His truth about me.  I am chosen.  I am accepted.  I am special.  In fact so special that He has said I am fearfully and wonderfully made and that I am one of  His wonderful works.  It is a pebble that I do not want anymore.  I am ready to be rid of it.  Thankfully, I know God is strong enough and He has already conquered this one for me.  The question has been for me, how, how do I get rid of this ugly thing that continues to trip me up?  And the answer is this.  It goes back to the issue of truth.  I need to replace the lies of Satan with the truth of GOD's WORD, with the SOLID ROCK.  I need to run this truth out in my life, with perserverance, with endurance, even when I feel tired.  I need to clear the path of small pebbles, the little issues, that cause me to stumble.  I need to clear out everything!  And when that thought comes barreling back, "come on.  does this really matter?"  I need to take it captive.  YES!  It matters, because it takes my eyes off of the one who is the author and the finisher of my faith, the finisher of my race, my strength, my song, my salvation, my overcomer!  GLORY BE TO GOD!