Trust

Why is it so hard to trust? More so, why is it so hard to trust God? When I was little, I remember playing a game to teach trust. A person would stand behind you, and you were supposed to fall back and TRUST they would catch you in their arms. I remember that being a very hard excercise for me to do! I had such a hard time trusting. I have found, as an adult, trust has continued to be an issue for me as well. It is hard to trust. Why? Trust involves vulnerability. It means I have to open up myself to you, give you my heart, my desires, wants, and dreams and TRUST that you will handle them with care. That you won't hurt me......we don't want to be hurt and so it is easier to hang onto everything we are in order to protect ourselves from being hurt. In Proverbs 3:5 it says, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding." We are called to trust. To become vulnerable. To hand over to God all of our hopes, all of our dreams, all of our desires, every part of who we are and to REST in the fact that God will handle us with care. We are asked to not be afraid of what He may choose to do with out hopes, dreams, and with our life. The funny thing to me is this......He gave it all to me anyway. He gave me my life, He placed in me hopes, dreams, desires. They were all His to begin with! I just have a bad habit of clinging to them and saying, "now they are mine, all mine." But He gave them to me to be used in my life for His glory, but in order for that to happen; I have to give them back to Him. I have to trust Him to "will and do His good pleasure" (Philippians 2:13) in my life. So why is it so hard to give back to God what was His to begin with? Because, what happens if I give it back and He chooses to do something I don't like, or is hard to do, or he does something that even is painful? What if I give it to Him and He never gives it back and I never get to live out my hopes, dreams, and desires? What if God screws it all up?! And I can see it clearly now. The focus goes from being used for the Glory of God (which is what our lives are for), to being used for the Glory of Me! Hard to admit but true! I love the rest of Proverbs 3, because it speaks directly to this fear. In the Message it says it this way: Don't assume that you know it all.    Run to God! Run from evil! Your body will glow with health,    your very bones will vibrate with life! Honor God with everything you own;    give him the first and the best. Your barns will burst,    your wine vats will brim over. But don't, dear friend, resent God's discipline;    don't sulk under his loving correction. It's the child he loves that God corrects;    a father's delight is behind all this. I love that last part! It's the child he lives that God corrects; a father's delight is behind it all!. Isn't that good!? A Father's delight! We (I) need to come to a place of trusting that my Father who is a giver of all good things will never harm me, no matter what the circumstance or situation feels like to me. When I trust Him with all of me, body, mind, and soul; I have to trust He will lead me on the right path. The path that will bring Glory to His Name through my life. This is my desire! To trust and to know (that no matter what happens in my life), that my Father would never ask me to walk through something, give something up, or do something that is not for His glory and for My Good! I want to learn to trust more. I want to learn to give back to my Father what He has given to me. I want my life to be a vessel through which His Glory is proclaimed. I want to trust and to know that when I allow myself to lean back, the arms of my Jesus will catch me not just once, but every time! Trust in the Lord!