Totally Abandoned

My husband and I recently attended a worship team retreat.  The focus of the retreat was focusing on who and why we worship.  It's not about us; it's about Him.  It is standing before others and leading them forward in worship and praise; leading them into the very throne room of God.  It's about living a life that oozes worship and points others to Him.  The retreat has really set me to pondering this, not that pondering is abnormal for me :)  I ponder a lot!  :D  It has changed the way I have begun to think about some of the things I do. 

In my devotional time this week, I found myself doing my typical prayer.

"God, what do you have for me today?   Speak to me and help me to see something I have never seen before.  Fill me up.  Cleanse me.  Search me."

There is nothing wrong with this prayer.  I desire all of those things.  However, yesterday as I prayed, I thought wait, this prayer is all about me.   All about what I want and feel that I need.  But, if true worship is all about Him.......Maybe my focus is off a bit.  Maybe reading the scripture is not about what I will get out of it or how I will feel when I get done......Maybe it is simply to redirect myself back to Him, my eyes completely on Him and not on an experience or a feeling.......Because all I desire I will find in Him, anyway.  Wow! 

My eyes completely fixed on Him; drowns out everything else.

Today, as I sat down again to read, I had to remind myself again, not me.....HIM.  And it brought me to this question of total and utter abandonment.  What does that mean?  To be totally abandoned to Christ?  What does it look like?  I often have a picture in my mind of people that I feel live a life of total abandonment.  They look like missionaries.  Speakers.  Preachers.  Evangelists.  They look like happy people, free to dance, not afraid of what others think.  Not me.  They have given their whole life to Him. 

But that isn't it, is it?  It's actually obedience.  Absolute obedience.  And what does that look like?  That is the beauty of it.  God asks each of us to be obedient to the specific area, specific calling, specific life He has given to each of us individually.  And since we are all different, abandonment to Christ, obedience to Christ, cannot necessarily be compared to someone else's obedience.  And yet, that is what I find myself doing ALL the time.  I like to take a snapshot of someone's life and say, "that is obedience and abandonment to Christ.  That is what I should look like too."  And then I strive and strain to measure up to that person, to live up to THEIR calling.  Talk about impossible and discouraging!  I can't ever reach the goal of making my life line up and look like someone else's life.  Sounds kind of absurd now that I really think about it. 

True abandonment, true obedience can only be found in what God has specifically called me to do.  In order to fulfill this calling, I must keep my eyes steadfast on Him.  Surrounding myself in Him.  Worshiping Him.  Listening to Him.  And obeying His voice.  It all comes back to Him.  I can't possibly be surrendered and abandoned if my eyes are fixed on the obedience of the one who sits next to me on the pew every Sunday morning.  No, it can only be found in Him.

The snapshot I take, needs to change.  Abandonment and complete surrender to Christ looks like.........CHRIST.  He is what I strive for and He is all I need.  In Him I will find rest from striving to try to become something or someone He has not asked me to be.  In Him, I will find direction for my paths.  In Him and through Him I will be given the strength I need to fulfill His will THROUGH my life.  He IS His will in my life.  It is not about what I become, but about what He becomes THROUGH me.  It's not what I look like, but what He looks like RADIATED through me. 

Talk about taking the pressure off to feel like I have to measure up, look like a certain thing, do things right, not let other's down or look like an utter failure.  Wow!  I hate seeing my fears on paper.  They are all kind of ugly.  But, it is these fears that have often ran my life, motivated me, and been my focus.  Hit the head right on the nail there, didn't I.  Ouch!  Fear and not love has been ruling this life.  It is time for it to stop.  Today, I choose to focus on HIM!

Rebuilding the Wall

What if our town was our Jerusalem?  What if we reclaimed it for the glory of Jesus?  What if we began working together to rebuild, section by section, block by block;  each of us taking a part?

I love the story of Nehemiah and it offered up wonderful parallels and a great challenge for me this morning.

Our city, wherever that might be for you, is our Jerusalem and the church, you and me, are the workers and the inhabitants.  Our towns and our cities are ours to claim, ours to take back, ours to rebuild for Christ.  They have been torn down by the enemy of our hearts and left in shambles.  You can see it all around you.  Not just physical poverty, but broken homes, broken lives, broken people that belong to a loving Father and it is through us that we can begin to show them His love, one person, one family at a time.  Each person we touch is one more stone, one more brick, one more wall rebuilt on the firm foundation of Jesus Christ. 

Rebuilding these walls is not a job we can do on our own.  Just like in Nehemiah, it took many people participating and rebuilding the area around them.  This is not a one man job.  This is a job for the whole community of believers, rallied together, ready to reclaim back what once belonged to God.  It is not a job that will happen without opposition, distraction, ridicule, or even persecution.  The enemy will hate this work and will do what it takes to discourage and dissuade us from carrying on.  Many came against Nehemiah.  Made fun of the workers and their work.  Planned to destroy what was being rebuilt, but Nehemiah and the people never once backed down.  No, instead they picked up their weapons.  They guarded one another and covered each other.  Each worker no longer worked with both hands, but always carried a weapon in one hand and worked with the other hand.

I love this!  We will have to do the same thing.  We will surround each other with prayer warriors guarding us and covering us in prayer and we must pick up the weapon of praise and keep on our clothes (The full Armor of God) day and night so we are always ready and prepared for an attack.

What a challenge to me today to rebuild some walls and take back what belongs to my Jesus.