When my mom, Joy, was two months pregnant with me, she was attacked and raped. According to the police, it was astonishing that my mom had not been brutally wounded or killed. However, God chose to spare us. Since this story is more of my moms story then it is mine, I asked her permission to share it and I also asked her if I could put it in her own words. She agreed. Saturday night, before I went to bed, I opened up the email mom had sent to me and I read her story. Tears began to well up and overflow as I began to read and relive my moms story. It played through my mind like a movie. By the time I reached the end, I knew my focus for today could no longer be about God giving me the gift of life. Am I thankful that He spared my mom and I? Most definately! And I give Him praise for it! However, this is more about His gift of praise and more importantly the gift of His faithfulness even through horrible circumstances. The following is my moms experience:
For several years I had been seriously questioning the reality of my faith and was faith in God really something I wanted to continue to pursue or not. About 6 months before the rape, I cried out to God concerning my doubts and whether I really wanted to serve Him or not. One day God answered my prayers in a very powerful, life-changing way. That day I fell in love with Jesus and from git go, God spoke to my heart continually about the whole issue of learning and choosing to give thanks in EVERYTHING! And as I practiced doing so in my own life, I had so much VICTORY and I often shared with people on a one to one bases, encouraging them to give thanks in EVERYTHING! Well, the day came – about 6 months down the road – that I was severely tested. The Bible says-
“He knoweth the way that I take and when He hath tried me I shall come forth as gold.”
The Bible promises that all of God's children will have trouble in this world (John 16:33). The Amplified Bible says-
“In the world you have tribulations and trials and distress and frustration;...
I Peter 1 says-
“You should be exceedingly glad on this account, though now for a little while you may be distressed by trials and suffer temptations, so that the genuineness of your faith which is infinitely more precious than the perishable gold which is tested and purified by fire...may be found unto praise and honor and glory at the appearing of Christ Jesus our Lord.”
James says-
“Consider it wholly joyful, my brethren, whenever you are enveloped in or encounter trials of any sort, or fall into various temptations. Be assured and understand that the trial and proving of your faith bring out endurance and steadfastness and patience.”
Yes, trials, testings, and temptations – to a greater or lessor degree are promised to all of God's children. But praise God, we have this promise. Repeatedly we are given the Promise of His Presence, His strength, His grace, His peace, - yes, His joy in the midst of our difficulties and we are promised in Rom.8:28 that God is working everything that happens in our lives into a pattern for good. That-
“Greater is He Who is in us than he that is in the world.”
“Thanks be unto God Who gives us the VICTORY through our Lord Jesus Christ.”
“We are more than overcomers through Him Who LOVES us.”
“For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal weight of glory that far outweighs them all.”
He Promises to give us beauty for our ashes, the oil of joy for mourning and a garment of praise for that old spirit of heaviness that we may be called the trees of righteousness, the planting of the Lord that He may be glorified. Oh, I am so THANKFUL for these exceeding great and precious Promises whereby we are partakers of the Divine Nature of God! The precious Promises of God just make life for me!!
We moved to Louisville just a couple months after becoming ALIVE IN JESUS. He truly gave me something (SOMEONE) to witness about and I did just that – every opportunity I had! We moved in May and in November of that year I was greatly tested. We were living in a small house sandwiched between a very large church house and a very busy railroad track. We were building a utility room onto the house and were needing linoleum for that room. One day, when JD came home from school we decided to walk to a hardware store that was approximately 3 blocks from our house. We decided to walk to the store via the railroad track because it was closer to go that way than by the way of the street. It was JD, Anthony (he 26 months old), and myself and I was 2 months pregnant with Melody. We walked to the store and the minute we stepped into the store I saw a piece of linoleum I wanted and the price was reasonable, so JD, though he was very surprised at how quickly I had picked something out, agreed it would be fine to purchase it. There were probably 4 or 5 people at the check out counter and I could see that there would be a little wait before we could actually purchase the linoleum. Since it was later in the afternoon I suggested to JD that he take Anthony and I would walk on home and get supper started so it might even be prepared by the time they got home. So he took Anthony and I took the house keys. I stepped outside the door of the store and there was a long slow train on the railroad track. So I thought I would just walk along side the train and wait to pass over the track until right by our house (hopefully, the train would be done by then). So I walked along the track and all of a sudden I thought I felt a presence behind me. I wasn't hearing a presence because all I could hear was the noise of the train but I felt a presence. I stopped and halfway turned around and immediately a young man threw his arms around my neck and said, “don't resist, I've got a gun.” Immediately the thought came to my mind, “you cooperate and you praise Me.” I recognized it as the still, small voice of God and I did exactly what He told me to do. I cooperated with the young man and I began verbally praising the Lord. Over and over again I said phrases like: “Thank You, Jesus, Praise You, Jesus, Hallelujah” as the young man shuffled me along into an alley and then onto the back porch of an empty house. There the man commanded me to keep my eyes closed which I later saw as a God-sent command, because it was so much easier to keep my thought life centered on God when I wasn't seeing what was happening to me. I'm sure he gave me that command with the intent of protecting himself, but it served as a wonderful protection for me also. He told me if I didn't keep my eyes shut he would break pop bottles over my head. I don't think he had a gun (only said so as his way of scaring me) but later on I saw the pop bottles and knew the place had been prepared for a rape. And I think, had I not cooperated he probably would have broken the bottles over my head. He also slapped my face several times. I'm sure he felt totally annoyed by the praises I was giving to God. He realized right there and then he had picked up an unusual one. He tore up my clothes and commanded me to lie down. And he raped me. While he was raping me I had perfect peace. I was not afraid of him and I had presence of mind to witness to him – to tell him that Jesus loves him and that the reason my husband and I were living in a black community was because we wanted to see healing come between black and while people. I cannot say for sure that he was a black man but I believe he was – he spoke their lingo very well. There were strange circumstances about that rape that I do not verbalize to many people. I verbalized ALL the details to the policeman that came to our house after the rape. He just shook his head and said, “Lady, it's a wonder that you are alive.” He went on to say that with the circumstances that were involved in my experience, a rapist will inevitably either brutally wound or kill the victim. When the policeman said that to me I remember responding with, “sir, he couldn't have killed me if he'd wanted to – God's not done with my life here on this earth.” I was just terribley aware of that fact when it was all over with.
When the rapist realized that the train was all done he said to me, “now I'm going to tie you up.” And then it just suddenly dawned on me that he might kill me. In my mind I quietly said to the Lord, “Lord, what about JD and Anthony?” I felt like they still needed me. So sweetly the thought came to my mind, “If I allow you to be killed, I already have someone better in mind for JD and Anthony. Such a sweet peace came over me as I realized the Truth of how much God love JD and Anthony and was tenderly caring for them. And to my mind came a glorious picture: I saw huge, huge iron gates and the gates were standing open just maybe 2 feet. And all around the gates were glorious, dazzling, sparkling LIGHT and in my heart I instantly knew the picture represented Heaven and oh, how I LONGED to go there. I was not afraid of being killed. In fact, seeing that picture, I LONGED for it!!! And then I heard the young man say, “Now, I'm going to leave, and I want you to count to 60 before you open your eyes.” And he told me exactly how to count – very slowly. Then I realized he wasn't going to kill me and I actually felt disappointed. I heard the screen door slam and I was pretty sure he had left, but I counted to 70 rather then to 60 at the pace he told me to count. I opened my eyes and yes, he was gone and yes, I saw glass pop bottles laying in a corner of the porch. My dress was ripped up on the top but I was so thankful I had a sweater on. He did not take it and he didn't take my keys either. I pushed the bottom half of my dress down and pulled my sweater around me and I was so thankful – at least I was not naked to walk to the house. Through this entire experience God had miraculously filled me with peace. He says-
“Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid,” (John 14:27)
“I have told you these things so that in Me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” (John 16:33)
“Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on Thee for he trusteth in Thee,” (Isa. 26:3)
“Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” (Phil. 4:6,7)
Those verses are really true. The peace of God transcends all understanding. We can't begin to understand how it is possible to have peace in the midst of great difficulties, but by God's Word and Him honoring His Word it is possible! Since that experience, I have come to understand in a deeper way how it was possible for our forefathers to sing while they were being burned at the stake. How Paul and Silas could be praying and singing hymns to God after being stripped naked in public and then severely beaten and put into jail in solitary confinement, and their feet were chained. God says-
“My Grace is sufficient for you; My strength is made perfect in your weakness.”
And that's the only way I can figure it out is just because God's Grace is enough for us and whatever we face in life, His Grace is greater still! As I left that back porch and stepped outside the thought came to me so clearly, “RUN, you are in evil territory,” and I felt such fear! I wanted to run desperately, but the thought came to me so clearly, “You don't need to be afraid – I'm walking right here with you.” I remember feeling an urgency within myself as I said, “yes, Lord, let's go.” When I got back to the house, JD and the neighbors were all out looking for me. JD said that when he saw me, he felt sure I had been raped. (I had lost one shoe and I'm sure I looked very disheveled). JD sent everyone home and we went in the house and he called the police. He called Mark and Fanny Peachy to come get Anthony. Oh yes, one more thing the police told me is that he felt sure that the thing that had saved my life was the fact that I did not put up a fight and that I was willing to cooperate. (I thought, “no wonder God told me to cooperate...”) After talking to the police, we went to the hospital to be physically checked and there I also met with people from rape relief. From there we went to the police station and spent hours looking at pictures trying to identify who it had been, but it wasn't helpful because I hadn't even seen the guy except just that initial glimpse when I had half way turned around. Everywhere we went I had opportunity to share Jesus with people. The courage level stayed strong within me throughout the night. JD and I got home from the police station around midnight and I felt exhausted by then!
About 2 nights later, Anthony had cried during the night so I went to his room and lay in his half bed with him. Anthony soon fell asleep again, but I lay just quietly crying out to God and telling God I just don't understand why He would have allowed this to happen to me. As I was doing so, Job came to my mind. I knew it was God because I could not remember when I had last read in the Book of Job. God said to me that satan came to Him and told Him that if He would allow me to be raped, I would surely stop praising Him. God told Satan that no, I would not stop but to prove it to him, He allowed satan to do that to me. Boy, something BIG happened inside of me when I heard that. I felt STRENGTH rising up from deep within my belly until it was way up in my throat and I thought, “Devil, you have had it! If you think I will stop praising God because of this, you've got another guess a-comin, because I am going to PRAISE MY GOD LOUDER THAN EVER BEFORE!!!” That was a TREMENDOUS BOLSTER to my faith! The Psalmist says-
“Many are the troubles of the righteous but the LORD delivers him out of them all.”
“This poor man (woman) cried and the LORD heard him/her and saved him/her out of all his/her troubles.”
GOD IS FAITHFUL!!!! AMEN, AMEN, AMEN!!!! There were yet many troubles after the rape: we had 8 break ins into our house; the first one which happened only 3 weeks after the rape was a very traumatic experience also but then again, GOD WAS FAITHFUL IN AND THROUGH IT ALL!!!!!
No comments:
Post a Comment