Several months ago, God shared with me a precious picture of my relationship with Him. I saw my front porch and rocking chairs. Jesus was sitting in one rocker and I was in the other. I was overwhelmed with the peace, joy, and freedom of simply being in His presence. It is in this place that He often speaks to me. This blog is dedicated to those conversations.

Tuesday, June 18, 2013

Esther: Proceed With Prayer

I continue on with my study of Esther in Chapter 4.  Again so simple, yet profound. 

Esther is confronted with a  problem.  A big problem.  Her people, the Jews, have a price on their heads and the date for their assassination has been set.  Her uncle asked Esther to intervene, to use her position to influence the King and possibly change his mind about the edict he had signed.  Esther had a problem and a decision to make.  Would she intervene?  And if she did, would she be accepted by the King or rejected?  If she didn't intervene, the Jews would all be killed, and as she was reminded of by her uncle, she would also be killed once her nationality was discovered.  If she did intervene, Esther was taking the chance of being rejected by the King and killed.  She had a lot to think about. 

The thing I love about this is with all this urgency, with all this stress, with all this burden, Esther did not rush to a conclusion or an answer.  She did not make a snap decision.  She did not even seem to panic.  In fact, she did the opposite.  She slowed down.......

........And proceeded with prayer.

I love that, because I don't often proceed with prayer right away in the middle of my stress or as I feel the heaviness of a burden on my shoulders, or I am needing to make a decision. I usually panic, question, cry, fret, worry......you name it, I probably do it.  I try to figure it all out on my own.  What am I going to do?  How can I possibly fix this?  I weigh the pros and cons and try to look at every angle.....

........And I exhaust myself.

It is always at the end of my rope that I finally pray.  I hate to admit it, but it is the truth.  It is at the point of complete exhaustion that I say, "Daddy, God, help me.  Tell me what to do."  I desire to be like Esther.  I'm sure she felt some of those same emotions I do, especially in her situation;  which quite frankly is WAY worse than anything I have ever dealt with.  I am sure she had a sense of worry, concern, fear........

........And yet her first step was to pray.

She didn't seem to necessarily give into her feelings.  She said, "You know what?  I need to pray.  I need to go to the Author and Finisher of my faith and ask Him what to do.  That is my first step."  And not only that, but she gathered others around her to pray, seek, and fast as well.  It was not her last option to turn to........

........Prayer was her first option.

There is no need to worry, not need to fret, no need to exhaust myself when prayer becomes my first option.  When it is all laid down at the feet of my Father, then there is no longer any room for worry.  At His feet, in His presence, and under His care and provision there is simply peace even in the midst of the chaos.

Tuesday, June 11, 2013

Fear In the Dark

Ok, I don't mean to over spiritualize everything, but man does God every use the simple things of this world to speak to my heart.  So, I have to share this really quick.  For some reason, the breaker has blown that affects the light to our upstairs bathroom.  My son tried to fix it, but for some reason, the thing just keeps flipping.  This afternoon, I got up to go in to begin cleaning the bathroom, and I mean, I don't know how many times I tried to keep turning that silly light on even though I knew it wasn't working properly.  I finally gave up and tried to remind myself to not try to turn the thing on again.  I grabbed my bathroom scrub and started squirting it on the sink and then the shower.  As I was getting ready to scrub the shower, I saw it.  The most hairy, leggy, looking nasty spider I had ever seen.  I didn't want to touch it, but I had to see if it was really a spider.  I stuck my finger on it and my heart skipped a beat as it jumped on me!  Aaaahhhh!  It was a spider!  And then I looked a little closer....and saw.....that it was just.....some hair.  Good grief!  What difference it would have made if the bathroom light was working and I would have been able to see right away that it was nothing but a harmless bit of hair stuck to the tub.

That is what happens to  us in the dark, though.  Even the most simple and harmless thing begins to look like danger to us.  We get scared, we fret, our pulse raises and so do our emotions.  We are on edge and jump at every sound.  What a difference it would make if we would just turn on the light of the truth of Jesus Christ......it would all fade away.  We would see that it was nothing but a harmless piece of whatever, or maybe there wasn't even anything there to begin with.  His light chases away every shadow and ushers in His peace which passes all understanding.

If you have something in your life right now that you are feeling fearful about, I encourage you to flip the switch and shed the light of God's truth on the subject.  I guarantee you that in His light, grace, strength, and victory your fear will flee; just like the shadows, as you rest in Him.  He has already conquered whatever it is that you are facing.  His perfect love will light your "room" and cast out all fear.

Esther: Words

Lesson number two came to me as I read Ester Chapter 3.  It is nothing fancy and again seems so simple to me, yet cut to my heart which the word of God is good at doing (Hebrews 4:12).   A gentle reminder to be ever so careful with my words.

Chapter 3 opens up with the promotion of Haman by the King.  All the people were expected to pay homage to Haman and to bow down to him.  However, Mordecai refused to do either simply because his allegiance belonged only to God.  This infuriated Haman and it did not take long before he wanted to annihilate all of the Jews because of Mordecai's actions.  Then we come to verse 8, this is where I felt the Word of God speak to my heart:

"Then Haman said to King Ahasuerus, There is a certain people scattered and dispersed among the peoples in all the provinces of your kingdom;  their laws are different from those of all other people, and they do not observe the king's laws, so it is not in the king's interest to let them remain."

While this statement about the Jews is somewhat true;  they were a certain people, they did serve the law of God and not necessarily man's law, and they did not observe the kings laws, he left out a few important details.  While they served they law of God and not necessarily man's law, that did not mean they disrespected the King or his mandates.  It simply meant God's law was first in their lives and if a man made law contradicted it, they would follow the law of God instead of the law of man.  Secondly, it was not ALL the laws nor was it ALL the people not observing the king's laws.  It was one law and one man.  However, because of the way Haman portrayed the people of Israel, King Ahasuerus agreed with him, this subservient group of people needed to go.

Ok, so you may be asking, what is the lesson in this, what is the big deal?  The thing I felt God speak to my heart was this:  Haman committed character assassination.  He was angry and out of his anger he told a bit of a lie, hidden in a truth, in order to get his own way, to satisfy his own selfish desires, and to get revenge.  And the question I felt laid in my heart was this:  how often do I do the very same thing?  How often do I feel hurt, wounded, or angry about something or someone?  Maybe they didn't do something I wanted them to do or maybe they said something that hurt my feelings.  Either way, I am left feeling angry at them and their actions and the easiest thing to do is to begin to assassinate their character.  Sometimes, I just do it in the quietness of my mind where it festers.  Other times, I let it spill out like sewage onto others, just like Haman did.  The consequences of which do not only affect me or the person I am angry at; but it often can affect a larger group of people:  all of those who hear my words, which can begin to lay like a bitter poison in their own hearts, and can bring death to them.  Just like with Haman, his anger affected him and Mordecai, but it didn't stop there.  It was going to affect and destroy a whole nation. 

Wow.  As I sit here typing this, the gravity of it is really hitting me, (please be patient with me as I think out loud) especially when I think about the church.  It is bad enough in a public setting to speak down on someone, but in a church setting, it can bring death to the church body.

Galatians 5:15 speaks to this:

"If you bite and devour each other, watch out or you will be destroyed by each other." 

I am not going to write it all down here, because it is a little long, but I am thankful for the encouragement in the rest of that chapter especially the admonition in verse 25 and 26 to keep in step with Spirit and to not continue in envying and provoking one another.

Again, wow.  Like Pastor Don Smith would say, "This is a heavy."  It is a lot for me to think about.  Letting my words only bring encouragement and life to others is something I desire to continue to grow in. 

My word of encouragement today:

"Let me give you a new command:  Love one another.  In the same way I loved you, you love one another."  John 13:34  The Message

(The following link will take you to a song by Hawk Nelson called Words.  I felt it layed on my heart as I typed this blog.  If you have the other music playing already from my blog, you will have to shut that off first so that you can hear this.)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bf_H7Lwl0FI

Tuesday, June 4, 2013

Esther: Ordinary and Yet Chosen

I absolutely love the book of Esther and about a month ago I decided to read through Esther for my devotional time.  I never imagined that God would speak so many simple truths to me through this book.  It started for me in chapter 2:

Lesson 1:  An Ordinary Girl

Esther 2:8 "So it came about when the command and decree of the king were heard and many young ladies were gathered to Susa the capital into the custody of Hegai, that Esther was taken to the kings palace into the custody of Hegai, who was in charge of the women."

Esther was just like all the other girls.  All of them gathered together from their homes and taken to the palace as a potential spouse for the King.  Who knows how they must have been feeling?  Scared.  Uncertain.  Alone.  Angry.  Excited.  Expectant.  Maybe a bit of all of these combined.  I used to think the girls must of been very upset about being taken.  Maybe they were.  The choice was not up to them.  They were simply teenage girls taken from their parents.  Who knows whether they were already in love; saddened and heart broken because their lives were being changed.  And yet, on the other hand, maybe they were excited.  After all, they were taken from their homes; the Bible doesn't specify whether these girls came from wealthy homes, but I can't imagine their ordinary homes were anything like the lavish lifestyle they were soon to experience at the palace. 

We do know, though, that Esther was an orphan raised by her cousin Mordecai.  We know Mordecai cared for Esther like she was his own daughter, loved her, and had deep concern for her well being.  But other than that, we know very little about Esther.  She was just an ordinary girl.  And yet, she found favor and she was chosen, hand picked by God, for a very special reason.  And this is the part I love!

Ordinary and yet chosen.  Ordinary and yet favored.  Ordinary and yet usable.  What special words those are and what hope they bring!

We are ordinary.  Nothing special.  Not better than or greater than any other human being on this planet.  And yet, all of us, though ordinary, have been chosen.  Favored. And are usable.  We are precious in the eyes of our Heavenly Father who has hand picked each one of us for a very special reason.  Each one of us given a specific purpose, a special calling, only we can fill.  So many times, and I am speaking for myself, we forget who we really are.  We fall into a rut of believing a lie that we are nothing special, unusable, forgotten, unloved.  Because in fact, we are after all, just ordinary.  Yes, we are ordinary, but a very unordinary God loves us and has called us His and that very fact changes us. 

I encourage you, as I encourage myself, you may be ordinary, but don't forget who has called you by name.  Don't forget you are His child.  Don't forget the one who knows the very number of hairs on your head.  Don't forget that He has called out of the ordinary, just like He did Esther, and has placed you in the perfect place; at the perfect time, to work in you and through you for His glory. 

No matter where you are today or what you are doing remember this, though ordinary you are a child of the most high King.  Though ordinary, you have been called by your Heavenly Father into a love relationship with Him.  Though ordinary, you are chosen and priceless.  Though ordinary, He has a special purpose and calling on your life.  Though ordinary, He is going to use you and will use you for the glory of His name!

Tuesday, May 14, 2013

Totally Abandoned

My husband and I recently attended a worship team retreat.  The focus of the retreat was focusing on who and why we worship.  It's not about us; it's about Him.  It is standing before others and leading them forward in worship and praise; leading them into the very throne room of God.  It's about living a life that oozes worship and points others to Him.  The retreat has really set me to pondering this, not that pondering is abnormal for me :)  I ponder a lot!  :D  It has changed the way I have begun to think about some of the things I do. 

In my devotional time this week, I found myself doing my typical prayer.

"God, what do you have for me today?   Speak to me and help me to see something I have never seen before.  Fill me up.  Cleanse me.  Search me."

There is nothing wrong with this prayer.  I desire all of those things.  However, yesterday as I prayed, I thought wait, this prayer is all about me.   All about what I want and feel that I need.  But, if true worship is all about Him.......Maybe my focus is off a bit.  Maybe reading the scripture is not about what I will get out of it or how I will feel when I get done......Maybe it is simply to redirect myself back to Him, my eyes completely on Him and not on an experience or a feeling.......Because all I desire I will find in Him, anyway.  Wow! 

My eyes completely fixed on Him; drowns out everything else.

Today, as I sat down again to read, I had to remind myself again, not me.....HIM.  And it brought me to this question of total and utter abandonment.  What does that mean?  To be totally abandoned to Christ?  What does it look like?  I often have a picture in my mind of people that I feel live a life of total abandonment.  They look like missionaries.  Speakers.  Preachers.  Evangelists.  They look like happy people, free to dance, not afraid of what others think.  Not me.  They have given their whole life to Him. 

But that isn't it, is it?  It's actually obedience.  Absolute obedience.  And what does that look like?  That is the beauty of it.  God asks each of us to be obedient to the specific area, specific calling, specific life He has given to each of us individually.  And since we are all different, abandonment to Christ, obedience to Christ, cannot necessarily be compared to someone else's obedience.  And yet, that is what I find myself doing ALL the time.  I like to take a snapshot of someone's life and say, "that is obedience and abandonment to Christ.  That is what I should look like too."  And then I strive and strain to measure up to that person, to live up to THEIR calling.  Talk about impossible and discouraging!  I can't ever reach the goal of making my life line up and look like someone else's life.  Sounds kind of absurd now that I really think about it. 

True abandonment, true obedience can only be found in what God has specifically called me to do.  In order to fulfill this calling, I must keep my eyes steadfast on Him.  Surrounding myself in Him.  Worshiping Him.  Listening to Him.  And obeying His voice.  It all comes back to Him.  I can't possibly be surrendered and abandoned if my eyes are fixed on the obedience of the one who sits next to me on the pew every Sunday morning.  No, it can only be found in Him.

The snapshot I take, needs to change.  Abandonment and complete surrender to Christ looks like.........CHRIST.  He is what I strive for and He is all I need.  In Him I will find rest from striving to try to become something or someone He has not asked me to be.  In Him, I will find direction for my paths.  In Him and through Him I will be given the strength I need to fulfill His will THROUGH my life.  He IS His will in my life.  It is not about what I become, but about what He becomes THROUGH me.  It's not what I look like, but what He looks like RADIATED through me. 

Talk about taking the pressure off to feel like I have to measure up, look like a certain thing, do things right, not let other's down or look like an utter failure.  Wow!  I hate seeing my fears on paper.  They are all kind of ugly.  But, it is these fears that have often ran my life, motivated me, and been my focus.  Hit the head right on the nail there, didn't I.  Ouch!  Fear and not love has been ruling this life.  It is time for it to stop.  Today, I choose to focus on HIM!

Tuesday, May 7, 2013

Rebuilding the Wall



What if our town was our Jerusalem?  What if we reclaimed it for the glory of Jesus?  What if we began working together to rebuild, section by section, block by block;  each of us taking a part?

I love the story of Nehemiah and it offered up wonderful parallels and a great challenge for me this morning.

Our city, wherever that might be for you, is our Jerusalem and the church, you and me, are the workers and the inhabitants.  Our towns and our cities are ours to claim, ours to take back, ours to rebuild for Christ.  They have been torn down by the enemy of our hearts and left in shambles.  You can see it all around you.  Not just physical poverty, but broken homes, broken lives, broken people that belong to a loving Father and it is through us that we can begin to show them His love, one person, one family at a time.  Each person we touch is one more stone, one more brick, one more wall rebuilt on the firm foundation of Jesus Christ. 

Rebuilding these walls is not a job we can do on our own.  Just like in Nehemiah, it took many people participating and rebuilding the area around them.  This is not a one man job.  This is a job for the whole community of believers, rallied together, ready to reclaim back what once belonged to God.  It is not a job that will happen without opposition, distraction, ridicule, or even persecution.  The enemy will hate this work and will do what it takes to discourage and dissuade us from carrying on.  Many came against Nehemiah.  Made fun of the workers and their work.  Planned to destroy what was being rebuilt, but Nehemiah and the people never once backed down.  No, instead they picked up their weapons.  They guarded one another and covered each other.  Each worker no longer worked with both hands, but always carried a weapon in one hand and worked with the other hand.

I love this!  We will have to do the same thing.  We will surround each other with prayer warriors guarding us and covering us in prayer and we must pick up the weapon of praise and keep on our clothes (The full Armor of God) day and night so we are always ready and prepared for an attack.

What a challenge to me today to rebuild some walls and take back what belongs to my Jesus.

Monday, April 29, 2013

Don't Give Up

I was challenged today with this idea:

Do not give up.  It is incredibly easy to stop doing something I have started and even have felt compelled to start.  New things and the beginnings of things are always filled with excitement and anticipation.  I feel like I can conquer the world :)  And yet, after awhile, the excitement wears off and the anticipation grows thin.  I no longer feel as compelled and even find myself asking, "Does it really matter?  Is there purpose and a good enough reason to keep doing all this?"  It is in this moment I have a choice to make.  Walk away or keep going.

In the Old Testament this same thing occurred.....at least the way I see it.  God gave the people an assignment, a promise...."Take the Promised Land.  It is yours!  I have given it to you."  There was a lot of fear involved with this, but there were a few good men who fought through the fear, pushed through and took the Promised Land and claimed what had been given to them.  Yeah Israelites!  Yeah God!  Right?  Look what He has done for us!  They had lots of excitement and anticipation!  And yet, by the time we get to 2 Chronicles the excitement is gone and there is no longer any anticipation.  So much so, that they were no longer worshiping and no longer seeking God.  What does it really matter right?  They became lazy......and they walked away.

But there was one man, who stood up in front of the Kingdom, and said, "Enough is enough!  It is time to put this place back to the way it was meant to be.  It is time to worship.  It is time to return to a God that we have forsaken.  Look for yourselves.  Look at our history.  It is apparent that our troubles have come because we walked away from God.  It is time to clean house."  And that is exactly what King Hezekiah did.  He not only spoke it, he organized it, and walked it out.  They cleaned out the whole temple.....And this is the spot where I felt God speak to my heart this morning.  And believe me, this is something I struggle with time and time again!

Cleaning out the temple was a physical and literal activity for them.  But for me, reading what they did, it has become a spiritual reminder to clean my own temple....my heart.  What have I allowed to fall by the way side?  What have I stopped doing because I have gotten lazy and wondered to myself what it really matters if I do it anyway?  What have I allowed in that has defiled God's Temple, which is my body?  What have I given up on?

King Hezekiah and his gang deep cleaned the temple in 16 days.  They though out rubbish and junk that had been filling the temple with anything and everything except praise and worship.  They cleaned house and when they got done, they filled the temple up with sacrifices, praise, and worship.

I need to remember:  Don't give up!  Even when the anticipation and excitement is gone.  Even when the activity of who God has called me to be becomes mundane and sometimes even feels like a chore, I must not give up!  I need to keep moving in the direction He is leading and guiding.  And when I do fall, stumble, forget, or even walk away I need to remember to come back and clean house.  I can't let all that junk build up and replace this temple of worship and praise with a needless pile of trash that weighs me down and keeps me from praising!

I love what King Hezekiah says to the Levites in 2 Chronicles 29:10-11:

I have decided to make a covenant with the God of Israel and turn history around so that God will no longer be angry with us.  Children, don't drag your feet in this!  God has chosen you to take your place before him to serve in conducting and leading worship-this is your life work;  make sure you do it and do it well.

Stop dragging your feet!  Don't give up!  This is what we have been created for:  to live a life of worship, holy, pleasing and acceptable to God.  To present yourself as a living sacrifice.  To commune with God and through that communion to allow His light and love to shine out on others.

Galations 6:9:

So let's not allow ourselves to get fatigued doing good.  At the right time we will harvest a good crop if we don't give up or quit.