Trust

Why is it so hard to trust? More so, why is it so hard to trust God? When I was little, I remember playing a game to teach trust. A person would stand behind you, and you were supposed to fall back and TRUST they would catch you in their arms. I remember that being a very hard excercise for me to do! I had such a hard time trusting. I have found, as an adult, trust has continued to be an issue for me as well. It is hard to trust. Why? Trust involves vulnerability. It means I have to open up myself to you, give you my heart, my desires, wants, and dreams and TRUST that you will handle them with care. That you won't hurt me......we don't want to be hurt and so it is easier to hang onto everything we are in order to protect ourselves from being hurt. In Proverbs 3:5 it says, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding." We are called to trust. To become vulnerable. To hand over to God all of our hopes, all of our dreams, all of our desires, every part of who we are and to REST in the fact that God will handle us with care. We are asked to not be afraid of what He may choose to do with out hopes, dreams, and with our life. The funny thing to me is this......He gave it all to me anyway. He gave me my life, He placed in me hopes, dreams, desires. They were all His to begin with! I just have a bad habit of clinging to them and saying, "now they are mine, all mine." But He gave them to me to be used in my life for His glory, but in order for that to happen; I have to give them back to Him. I have to trust Him to "will and do His good pleasure" (Philippians 2:13) in my life. So why is it so hard to give back to God what was His to begin with? Because, what happens if I give it back and He chooses to do something I don't like, or is hard to do, or he does something that even is painful? What if I give it to Him and He never gives it back and I never get to live out my hopes, dreams, and desires? What if God screws it all up?! And I can see it clearly now. The focus goes from being used for the Glory of God (which is what our lives are for), to being used for the Glory of Me! Hard to admit but true! I love the rest of Proverbs 3, because it speaks directly to this fear. In the Message it says it this way: Don't assume that you know it all.    Run to God! Run from evil! Your body will glow with health,    your very bones will vibrate with life! Honor God with everything you own;    give him the first and the best. Your barns will burst,    your wine vats will brim over. But don't, dear friend, resent God's discipline;    don't sulk under his loving correction. It's the child he loves that God corrects;    a father's delight is behind all this. I love that last part! It's the child he lives that God corrects; a father's delight is behind it all!. Isn't that good!? A Father's delight! We (I) need to come to a place of trusting that my Father who is a giver of all good things will never harm me, no matter what the circumstance or situation feels like to me. When I trust Him with all of me, body, mind, and soul; I have to trust He will lead me on the right path. The path that will bring Glory to His Name through my life. This is my desire! To trust and to know (that no matter what happens in my life), that my Father would never ask me to walk through something, give something up, or do something that is not for His glory and for My Good! I want to learn to trust more. I want to learn to give back to my Father what He has given to me. I want my life to be a vessel through which His Glory is proclaimed. I want to trust and to know that when I allow myself to lean back, the arms of my Jesus will catch me not just once, but every time! Trust in the Lord!

Running the Race

Philippians 4:13  "I can do everything through him who gives me strength."
Philippians 1:6 "being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus."
2 Corinthians 12:9a "But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.'"

Endurance

These verses rattled through my head this morning as I huffed and puffed through a 4.7 mile run.  As I ran, I felt God begin to lay an exhortation on my heart that is not a new one for me, but He knows I obvioulsy need to hear it again cause I have not learned to walk it out completely yet.  It is the issue of endurance in my life.  My definition of endurance is this:  Endurance and winning are not quantified by how fast you run.  It is meausred by whether or not you are still moving forward and by whether or not you finish the race.  If one foot is being placed in front of the other and you are not moving backwards, then you are on the path to enduring through the race and you are winning.  The important part is you are moving forward and, at some point, you cross the finish line. 

Endurance is hard for me.  I often feel like quitting especially when I don't see results quick enough or the results I am looking for.  It is easy to second guess myself and question whether or not I am really doing what God has asked me to do or maybe did I just make it all up in my head?  When things seem to be at a stand still, I want to opt out of the race and go join another that looks more exciting.....instead of continuing to run the race.....given to me......to run.  I want answers and I want them quick.  I want the writing on the wall.  I want a booming voice with thunder and lightening that says, "Melody, this is God and this is my plan for you!"  I want steps A, B, and C and back up plan D.  I want it spelled out clearily and when it is not.......my first reaction is to quit and second guess what I first felt laid on my heart. 

I often feel like quitting when it gets hard, when my spirit is tired and my spiritual legs feel like jelly beneath me.  When the road gets tough, I question again......is this really the right path?  This morning as I ran and as I felt my physical body giving out I heard God say to me, "I never said it would be easy."  It is the same for my spiritual run.  He is saying to me, "I never said it would be easy."  And that is where those verses came in.  It is not easy, but it is possible through Him who gives me strength.  I may not see an end or make sense of what is happening, but I can rest in the fact that He will bring it to completion.  I may feel weak and my legs want to give out, but it is in my absolute weakness, at the end of all my knowledge, that His strength is made perfect.  He is telling me to keep running!  One foot in front of the other.  Up the hills and through the heat.  Even if I can't go fast, He is telling me to go forward.  He is telling me to keep going.  The question I am left with is this.  God has spoken.  I know the truth.  It is solidly planted in my head.  But do I believe it?  Can I walk it, or should I say, run it out?  Am I willing to obediently run and to keep moving forward whether or not I see the whole picture, whether or not I see the finish line, whether or not I even get the why?

Truth

Truth.  I know God's truth.  It has been planted in my head since I was a child.  But sometimes I find myself falling for one of Satan's oldest tricks.  I find myself believing lies that look and feel like truth, instead of believing the real truth.  Real truth has a habit of not always feeling real.  Not like a lie.  The lie always agrees with our emotions, it somehow feels more real than the truth.  Like this morning.  The truth was I could finish my run.  The truth was, if asked to, I could run farther than the 4.5 I was supposed to run.  However, my mind and my body said otherwise.  It all told me I couldn't.  It told me I was too tired.  It told me to give up.  And quite frankly, I could believe this!  Cause I FELT tired.  It felt easier to believe the lie that I couldn't finish, becuase it agreed with the way my body felt.  But the truth......the truth was I could finish. 

How similiar it is to my spiritual run!  My emotions can tie me up into all kinds of knots and they usually agree with the lies that Satan plants into my head.  The thoughts often run quickly through my head.....you are not enough, you did not really hear God say that, what does it really matter anyway, you are not making a difference, you should quit.  One lie builds on top of the other and it all agrees with what I can see, what I feel, and what my physical world is telling me.  But that should be the kicker for me right there.  It is what I SEE, I FEEL, and what the PHYSICAL WORLD is saying.   That should be enough to remind me that it is a lie.  Why?  Because.  I shouldn't live my life based on what I feel, I see, and what the world around me says.  My life is to be based on the the truth of Jesus Christ.  My truth is what HE SEES, what HE FEELS, and what the WORD OF GOD is saying.  It is the truth of God that sets me free!  The truth of God is what I should base everything off of!  Everything!  It is the only solid foundation that I can trust, completely, 100% ! 

There is a song that often runs through my mind when I run sung by the Desperation Band.  (HA!HA!  I just caught that.  It runs through my head when I run!  LOL!) Ok, I digress.  Anyway.  This song speaks truth:

Joy unspeakable that won't go away and just enough strength to live for today, So I never have to worry what tomorrow will bring, 'Cause my faith is on solid rock, I am counting on God

I am counting on God because He is my truth.

I am counting on God because He is my rock.

I am counting on God because He is my strength.

I am counting on God because He is all that I need for today.

I am counting on God because He is in control.

The Pebble

Lastly, God challenged me, again, to clear out of my life EVERTHING that hinders me in my walk with Him and clear a path for myself that keeps me from stumbling. Hebrews 12:1 says this,

"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perserverance the race marked out for us."

On the last leg of my run this morning, I stepped on a small stone.  I did not actually see it, cause I was running, but I felt it under my shoe.  I could tell it was not very big.  But that little stone, that pebble, almost caused me to side step.  It made me wobble.  If I had side stepped or fallen it would have quickly put an end to my morning run.

Sometimes, it is the little things in our lives, the things that do not seem very significant, that cause us to be hindered in our spiritual race.  They cause us to stumble, side step, and sometimes fall.  Especially if we are already tired.  They are the tiny things I often don't deal with or I push on the back burner to deal with later, or the thing I question whether or not it is really important enough to deal with.  Does it really matter anyway?  It is so small.  It is not going to cause me a problem.  In fact they are so small, sometimes we don't even see them in our path until we have stepped on them......and then down we go and we exclaim, "Where did that come from!?" 

One of these small pebbles in my life has been and unfortunately continues to be the issue of acceptance, being good enough, being chosen.  It is a hard truth about myself that I do not like to look at and I want to be rid of it.  Why?  Because, not being secure in who I am in Christ stumbles me up a lot.  Leads to all those lies I talked about earlier.  In fact, I see in my life where it has kept me from always effectivley leading or accomplishing well a task given to me; because my eyes stay focused on whether or not I feel accepted, chosen, special.....whatever you want to call it.......Instead of keeping my eyes focused on Christ and His truth about me.  I am chosen.  I am accepted.  I am special.  In fact so special that He has said I am fearfully and wonderfully made and that I am one of  His wonderful works.  It is a pebble that I do not want anymore.  I am ready to be rid of it.  Thankfully, I know God is strong enough and He has already conquered this one for me.  The question has been for me, how, how do I get rid of this ugly thing that continues to trip me up?  And the answer is this.  It goes back to the issue of truth.  I need to replace the lies of Satan with the truth of GOD's WORD, with the SOLID ROCK.  I need to run this truth out in my life, with perserverance, with endurance, even when I feel tired.  I need to clear the path of small pebbles, the little issues, that cause me to stumble.  I need to clear out everything!  And when that thought comes barreling back, "come on.  does this really matter?"  I need to take it captive.  YES!  It matters, because it takes my eyes off of the one who is the author and the finisher of my faith, the finisher of my race, my strength, my song, my salvation, my overcomer!  GLORY BE TO GOD! 





Queen Esther: For Such a Time as This

God gave me this as a personal word for someone, however; I loved what it spoke to me as well.  I kept being drawn back to this section of scripture and the more I read the more God continued to speak to me.  It started with a seemingly simple and unimportant verse.  I say that because I am sure I have read over it a million times and I have never before saw its significance.  In Esther 5:1 it says, "Now it came about on the third day that Esther put on her royal robes and stood in the inner court of the kings palace in front of the king's rooms, and the king was sitting on his royal throne in the throne room, opposite the entrance of the palace."   As soon as I finished reading this verse, I stopped short.  I placed myself in her shoes for moment.  I could not imagine that at this time in Esther's life she actually felt like a queen.  I could imagine, though, that the uncertainty and fear of the future,  and the reality of what she was about to do left her feeling like a small, out of place and very scared girl.  She  alone new her true identity.  She knew she was a Jew just like the rest of them.  Just like the ones being sentenced to death.  She was no different than them.  At this point, the crown on her head made no difference to her and offered her no comfort.  And that is why I love verse 1 so much!  Cause it says she put on her royal garments and went and stood in the inner court.  Fighting all the emotions she was feeling, the voices telling her to run and hide, and the thoughts marching through her head like a ticker tape...... "you are no queen......you are Jew.......you are one of them......what makes you think he will listen to you........". Over and over it repeated itself.  Fear and apprehension built up inside of her.  And yet, with cautious timidity and a humble heart, she slowly slipped on her royal garments.  With trembling hands she placed the royal crown on her head and she embraced the identity of queen that had been bestowed on her.  Her actions spoke volumes to me!  She didn't feel like a queen, yet she chose to embrace her royalty and act like one.  She questioned and doubted her role in helping to save her people, yet she looked beyond her doubt and with faith stepped into the inner court.  Do you see what I saw in this?!  It is pretty awesome!  It spoke three things to me- 1. Esther had been given a new identity. She had been a young,orphaned Jewish girl and was made a Queen. Royalty and honor was her new place. We have also been given a new identity through Jesus Christ. Once we were lost, broken, and hurting. But now......now we have been found! Royalty and honor are our new place! We are Sons and Daughters of the King of Kings and the Lord of Lords! 1 Peter 2:9-10 says, "But you are a chosen race, a ROYAL priesthood, a holy nation, a people for God's OWN POSESSION, so that you may proclaim the excellencies of Him who has called you out of darkness into His marvelous light; for you once were not a people, but now you are THE PEOPLE OF GOD; you had not recieved mercy, but now you have recieved mercy." 2. Esther was scared. She knew her past and her present was not looking hopeful either. If she didn't step up and approach the King her people would be killed. Once it was found out she was a Jew, she would be killed as well. However, if she approached the King, embracing her royalty and walking in it, she also faced an uncertain future. What if he did not hold his scepter out to her? What if he rejected her? She would be facing death then as well. We often find ourselves in similar predicaments. Faced with our past and looking at an uncertain future, it is easy to feel out of place, scared, and very far removed from the new identity given to us through Jesus. We have a choice to make. Do we stick our heads in the sand or do we embrace our new identity and choose to walk as Sons and Daughters of the Most High? 3. Esther chose to embrace her royalty. She was still scared. She was still uncertain of her future. However, she stepped out anyway in an act of faith, trust and obedience to do what she had been called to do. No matter how she felt about it. She allowed herself to be used. In order for us to be used of God, we must follow her example. We must embrace the truth of who we are now, chosen, sanctified, and holy. We must take every thought captive and rebuke the voices whispering to us....."you are no good......you do not matter......what difference can you really make......who do you think you are?" Even if our hands are trembling, we must put on our royal garments, stop doubting our calling and who we are, and with faith step out into the life, the mission, and the purpose God has called us to! Because, YOU. HAVE. ATTAINED ROYALTY. FOR SUCH A TIME AS THIS!

Surrender is Freedom

For so long, I thought freedom was being able to make my own choices, do my own thing, have my own way, and have absolutely no one over me telling me what to do. Completely unfettered and free to be me! I am slowly, but surely learning, that is not freedom at all. It is the exact opposite. It is actually bondage to self. It is self serving and self worshipping and it leads only to death. True freedom is happening for me as I come to a place of total surrender to the One who made me. It is no longer asking "why me" or trying to make sense of why I am the way I am. It is no longer fighting against the voice of the Holy Spirit in my life. It is simply saying "Ok. I am ready. Have Your way in my life." It is listening closely to the voice of God and obediently following that voice. Not out of religiosity, but out of surrender. Some might say, "NO! That is not freedom. You are having to do certain things, follow rules, regulations, and be under the rule of someone else. You can't have fun and enjoy everything this world has to offer." And there it is. See, I don't want what this world has to offer anymore.........and before I go on and anyone thinks I have somehow arrived and don't get sidetracked and tempted by the things of this world.......let me quickly correct you........I do. But, it really is not the true desire of my heart. See, I have found, the more I follow my own ideas, my wants, my desires, my dreams the sicker I become. I become sick of heart, mind, body and soul. Why? Because my heart was not made to follow me, but to follow HIM and when I stray away from what my heart really needs sickness sets in. I am learning to embrace, more quickly, the voice of my Father. He does not rule me with an iron hand. He is not ready to squash me with His thumb every time I screw up. He is not here to condemn me. He is here to love me. He is here to teach me. He is here to lead me and guide me along paths of righteousness. He is here to speak gently to my spirit and offer me freedom in Him. Freedom from what this world has to offer. Freedom from darkness. Freedom from death. Freedom from never being able to quite be good enough. In Him there is no darkness, in Him there is life, and in Him I have already been made good. Freedom is surrender. Freedom is embracing the love of a Heavenly Father who cared enough for me that He would send His ONLY SON......yes ONLY, BELOVED, PRECIOUS SON to become sin, to carry the weight of my guilt and shame, so I could be free. Freedom is listening to His voice and out of love, adoration, and absolute trust, obediently following His voice. Because I love Him. Because I know He knows what is best for me. Because I trust Him. Because I recognize His voice and His instructions are protection in my life. It is protection from all this world has to offer. It is true freedom. The struggle is gone, because I am no longer fighting against the one who loves me with an everlasting love.

I challenge myself and I challenge you today to stop fighting. Surrender to Jesus. Recognize His voice and follow His instructions. He knows what you need and what is best for you. After all, He formed you. He knit you together in your mothers womb. He knows you perfectly. In Malachi 3:8-12 it says,

Will a man rob God? Yet you rob me. But you ask, 'How do we rob you?' In tithes and offerings. You are under a curse-the whole nation of you-because you are robbing me. Bring the whole tithe into the storehouse, that there may be food in my house. Test me in this, says the Lord Almighty, and see if I will not throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out so much blessing that you will not have room enough for it. I will prevent pests from devouring your crops, and the vines in your fields will not cast their fruit, says the Lord Almighty. Then all the nations will call you blessed for yours will be a delightful land, says the Lord Almighty.

I realize this is talking about tithe, however a couple of weeks ago God spoke something differently to me through these verses. Apply it to our spiritual lives. We rob God all the time of our hearts, our souls, and our minds. We do not give Him all of ourselves. We keep little bits and pieces of ourselves and we do not let Him have what already is His. We are His. He wants ALL of us. He wants the WHOLE tithe. God says, test me and just see what will happen if you surrender it all to me. Watch me open up the floodgates of heaven and pour out on you blessings like you have never seen before. Just watch and see what happens if you give it all to me. That is my challenge. Give it all to God and watch......watch Him pour out blessings on you and me that are so many we will have no idea what to do with it all. It will be overflowing in our lives and pouring out, oozing out of our every pore! Watch Him open the floodgates of heaven and let it rain down on you and me as we begin to totally surrender every area, every nook, every cranny, every part of ourselves to Him. Surrender and begin living in His freedom today!

Jahoash and His Arrows

This past week I have been reading in 2 Kings. I often get stumped by things I read and have to stop to look things up so I can better understand. Such was the case when I came to the account of Elisha and King Jehoash in 2 Kings 13. Elisha told the King to get a bow and some arrows. The King did as he was told. Then Elisha told the king to shoot an arrow out of the East window. When the King did this, Elisha said, "The Lord's arrow of victory,the arrow of victory over Aram!....You will completely destroy the Arameans at Aphek." Then Elisha told the King to again take the arrows. So King Jehoash did as he was told. He was instructed to strike the ground with the arrows. He struck the ground with three arrows and stopped. Elisha became angry and said, "You should have struck the ground five or six times; then you would have defeated Aram and completely destroyed it. But now you will defeat it only three times." This is the part that stumped me. I thought, How was the King supposed to know how many times he should strike the ground with arrows? The King was not a mind reader. How could he know what Elisha expected him to do? If I had been King Jehoash, I would have been extremely frustrated with the prophet for becomeing upset with what I had done. Why did Elisha get upset? So, I started digging a little bit. I wanted to find out why the King had stopped shooting arrows. Had he run out of them? I discovered that quivers hold different ammounts of arrows depending on the size of the quiver. Some hold three and others can hold up to twelve. A common amount of arrows, though, was 5-6. I found this to be quite interesting as Elisha said to the King, "you could have struck the ground five or six times." And then it dawned on me. King Jehoash did not stop becuase he ran out of arrows.....he just stopped. He had done what he had been told to do right? He had struck the ground with some arrows. Good enough right? Maybe I am reading into this too much, but this is what it spoke to me. I could see the King being nonchalant about this thing that Elisha had asked him to do. What was the big deal anyway? Why would it matter how many arrows he used or how many times he struck the ground. He did it three times. That should be good, right? WRONG! He still had arrows left. He still had weapons available to him, at his disposal, to win and claim the victory that God was ready to give to him. But he chose not to use them all. He chose to stop at three. He chose to be content with good enough. That is why Elisha became angry. He became angry, because he knew what God had in store for the King if the King was willing to pursue it, all the way, 100%, using every weapon available to him to claim the victory and defeat the enemy. This spoke very directly into my life as I have been struggling with a heaviness that has been over me for a couple of weeks. It has brought with it depression, tears, some despondancy, doubt, and an overwhelming desire to quit a lot of things. This section of scripture spoke loud and clear to me. Am I going to settle for good enough or am I going to lay claim to the victory that is mine? Am I going to use every weapon available to me to defeat the enemy or am I going to choose to stop halfway through and quit? Am I going to open myself up to the victory and the blessings God has in store for me? I wondered how many times I miss out on God's desire, gifts, and blessings He has in store for me simply because I decide not to take those last few arrows and strike the ground with them? It is a lot easier to settle. It is a lot easier to quit. It is a lot easier to say, "good enough". Elisha had good reason to be angry! He stood before a King who had victory that was already his. All he had to do was claim it. Can you hear Elisha yell at the King? I can! "What did you quit for?! You have more arrows! You have all the weapons you need! You have a God who is waiting to bless you and give you the victory! What are you quitting for!!??" And I can hear that for myself as well. Don't settle, don't quit, the victory is yours! Pick up your weapons and claim the victory that is yours!

Today and A Gift from God

Today:

Today has been horrible.  It began with bickering children and no time for devotions..... and found me, by 3:30, in a heap on my kitchen floor in tears.  Nothing tragic happened today, but it was just an accumulation of one thing on top of another that brought me to a breaking point.  As I already mentioned, it began with unhappy children.  I had a lot of errands to run, and as I began my day I decided to put some of my own words to my children that morning into practice.  As I drove, I thanked God for my children and praised Him for still being a good God even on a rough morning.  My mood began to lift.  However, by 11:00, I found myself lost in downtown Kalamazoo and, after asking directions to the same place THREE times, I finally find my destination.  At 2:00, I realized it was getting a little late and I would not get everything done on my list of errands......and shortly after, I realized I had lost my keys.  (This was the second time I could not find them today.)  Which was a problem, cause I was still in Portage and I needed to pick the children up at 2:50 from Centreville Elementary.  I called Rob and asked him to be praying for me and breathed a silent prayer for help myself.  I backtracked my steps through two separate stores, checked the van to see if  I had locked them inside,  and still could not find my keys.  I began to feel sick in my stomach and was fighting back tears.  I made a deal with myself not to break down in the middle of World Market!  Today was falling on me after a couple weeks of feeling extremely unorganized, overwhelmed, and clueless.  My ability to keep track of things and keep everything organized and under control had been lacking a lot lately.  I was beginning to feel like I was truly loosing my mind!  I made a few more phone calls to set up a plan for my children if I couldn't get back to the school on time.  As I was on the phone with one of the last people I could think of to call, my eyes fell on a my keys sitting beside a small stack of dinner trays.  Relief washed over me!  I thanked the store clerks for helping me out and noticed, on the bright side, the rain had stopped!  I got in my van, slowly talking myself through simple things like, "notice, you're setting you're keys on the front seat", and "make sure you close the back door before driving away."  I drove back to the school feeling like I should have listened to that voice in my head this morning that had encouraged me to stay in bed for the day, let the kids sleep in and play hooky!  Somehow, I managed to get back to the school in time to pick the children up and gave them a heads up on what kind of day I had.  Bickering broke out as we were parking the van at home.  Resolving the issue, I gathered my bags and walked into the house.  I began to set my purchases down on the counter.......when I felt a bag begin to slip......and then I heard a loud thunk......tears began to well back up in my eyes as I realized I just dropped the bag carrying glass jars I had purchased.  That was it for me.  I knelt down to see what the damage was and I stayed down for a bit and just cried.  I was thankful to see there was very little damage, but the tears kept coming.  I made it upstairs and flopped myself  down on my bed wishing I could just go to sleep and not wake up till tomorrow morning.

The Gift:

The gift, ironically enough, came in the form of my children.  As I was laying on my bed, Kara walked into the room with her VeggieTales Devotional book in her hand.  She quietly hopped up beside me on the bed and began to whisper the words to herself.  I asked her, "are you going to read to me?"  And she began to read about Queen Esther.  As she was reading, Colin came into the room and said, "mom, I have a verse memorized."  I said, "what verse?" 

He begins to recite, "The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want.  He gives me green pastures.  He leads me beside still waters.  He sets a table in the presence of my enemies.  My cup overflows.  Surely goodness and mercy shall follow the rest of my days as I dwell in the house of the Lord forever."  Psalm 23  I started to cry again as I told him that was beautiful. 

He said, "I know another one."  I encouraged him to go ahead.  He said, "For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten son that whoever believes on Him shall have eternal life."  John 3:16

As Kara got done reading, she came to a dialogue between Bob and Larry which reminded the reader that God never leaves us alone.

Through the dreariness of my day, God gave me a gift.  He spoke life back into my heart through the words of my children.  Only God does things like that!

I'm not going to lie.  I wish I could say the heaviness and frustrations of today had lifted and that I jumped out of bed with a new song of praise on my heart.  I did get out of bed, but the heaviness is still here.  However, I can see the light of Jesus through the grayness of the clouds and I give thanks to God for that!  It reminds me a bit of a song that God gave to me last week as I was struggling with the uncertainties of an illness that Rob's dad has.  These are the words to the song.


Sorrow clouds my vision
Pain grips my heart
I see the storm clouds coming
On this path I don't want to walk
My tears fall like rain
God I don't understand, how can this be a part of your sovereign plan
On my knees I cry out to you
Please take this cup from me
I know with only one word, you can mend what's broken in me

Sweet Jesus, surround me
Sweet Jesus, surround me
I know you are here
I see you through the midst of my tears.
You speak words of truth to me
I cling to your voice
Your my Shepherd, I will not fear
You'll restore my soul and comfort me

You see things I can't see
You know all about me
All my days you have ordained for me
My life rests in your hands
Though I walk through this dark valley, Your goodness covers me!

Sweet Jesus, surround me
Sweet Jesus, surround me
I know you are here
I see you through the midst of my tears
You speak words of truth to me
I cling to your voice
Your my Shepherd, I will not fear
You'll restore my soul and comfort me

A Gentle Reminder from the Book of Joshua

This morning I started reading the book of Joshua and came across a simple commandment that was given to the Israelites as they were getting to break camp to enter into the land of Canaan. Joshua 3:3-4: "and they commanded the people, saying, 'When you see the ark of the covenant of the Lord your God with the Levitical priests carrying it, then you shall set out from your place and go after it. However, there shall be between you and it a distance of about 2,000 cubits by measure. Do not come near it, that you may know the way by which you shall go, for you have not passed this way before.'" The Israelites were to remain about a 1/2 mile away from the ark at all times so they could see clearly where they were to be going. It was their GPS :) Without it, they would have gotten lost and who knows, maybe they would have wondered in the wilderness for another 40 years. What a sweet and gentle reminder this was for me today. I could hear God say to me, "Melody, stay back far enough so that you can clearly see where I am going, so you can follow me. Do not rush ahead, do not get in front of me, because you have not gone this way before." If you read my blog regularily, you will know God has been leading me on a journey of learning to not plan so much, to rely on Him, follow His lead and go after Him wherever that may be. I am noticing, the more planning I do, the less things seem to work out. However, when I sit back and let God.........WOW! Stuff starts happening beyond anything I could have made happen. So, I am thankful for the reminder this morning. Let God lead. All I have to do is follow. Simple.