Monkey in A Jar

  You know that story, the one about how to catch a monkey?  You put beans or a banana in a jar.  Then you wait.  When the monkey comes, he sees the treat and the temptation is too great.  He sticks his hand in the jar and grabs a hold of his treasure, only to find, that now he can't remove his hand from the jar because his fist is too big to get through the jars opening.  Refusing to let go of what he holds grasped in his hand, he finds himself stuck and vulnerable because he is too focused on keeping his hand in a tight, balled fist, desperate to hang on to what he has found.

I am that monkey.  I find myself with my hand stuck in a jar because I am having a hard time letting go of my wants, desires, wishes, and dreams.  I don't want to let go, because if I do, I may never be able to have my dreams.  What if I never get to experience them?  Fear of loosing what I want, keeps me there, stuck, vulnerable, and attached to this silly jar.

I have been in this place before.  (you would think I might have learned my lesson the first time).  I once was so wrapped up in my self worth and how I felt about myself that I couldn't let go of doing things my way instead of God's way.  I was afraid if I gave God the control He would take with it what I desired the most; to feel loved, wanted, desirable, good enough.  Eventually, I let go, gave God the control, and experienced freedom I had never had before.  Not only did I have freedom, but I found God also gave me the desire of my heart and taught me and showed me how much He loved me, wanted me, desired me, and that I was good enough for Him. 

But lately, I have found myself with my hand stuck back in the jar over other issues and I feel God calling again for me to let go of my dreams, my hopes, my wants and slip my hand back out of that jar.  I know He will supply all of my needs, but what if my needs are not what I want?  What if His desire and plan for my life is not what I desire and doesn't match up with my plans?  What if it is isn't pretty?  What if it isn't nice?  What if He asks me to sacrifice?  These are my fears.  And yet, I know from previous experience, that when I let go, God begins to work.  He doesn't leave me hanging.  He fills the desires of my heart and brings me freedom.  He works good in my life and it is usually better than I could have imagined.

I have moments, even days, where I find myself loosening my grip and begin to slip my hand from that jar.  In those times, I feel peace, freedom, and joy.....and then just as quickly the fear of the unknown creeps back in and in my worry and anxiety; my hand shoves down to the bottom and I grab back onto my treasure.

Today, I want to let go.  For good.  No matter what the outcome is.  I want to leave my dreams in that jar, remove my hand, and grab the hand of my heavenly Father instead.  Hanging on to Him for dear life instead of my dreams.  Knowing that beside Him I will find safety and freedom.

Philippians 4:6-7 talks about the "monkey in the jar" syndrome.  It spells it out and even tells me exactly what I can expect to happen when I let go. 

"Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God;  and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus."

I will paraphrase in my own words:

Don't worry and don't be afraid.  Instead of hanging on so tightly, relax your fist, give thanks and don't complain and whine.  Lay your requests at the feet of Jesus.  When you do this, you will experience a peace that you cannot understand and your heart and your mind will be guarded and protected from anymore worry, fear, and anxiety.

Take my life today, Lord, and let it be, all for you.  Let nothing, no worldly goods, wants or desires, get in the way of your perfect plan for my life.  I lay at your feet all my hearts desire knowing that you will provide for me as you always have.  I give thanks for your peace that will cover my heart and my mind today from unfounded fears and a heart full of anxiety.  I put my hope and my trust, my heart and my desires, my plans and my dreams in You.  Amen

Hurumph!

I will just admit this right now.  This posting is more for me than you, but I know I need to proclaim it, so I pray in my proclaiming that you will be also blessed.

This is one of those weeks or maybe months.  Not because anything really drastic is wrong, but just because things aren't moving fast enough for me.  I am not getting the answers I want.  I have not been able to find any easy solutions or quick remedies or random money laying around so I can just go do what I want.  It has put me in a funk.  A deep down, grouchy, you-probably-don't-want-to-talk-to-me-today kind of funk cause I'm likely just to complain.  I laid this all out this morning to God.  And yesterday morning too.  I told him EXACTLY how I feel, thankful He can handle my funky days.  I told Him things are not going my way, that I want answers, and clear direction.....but He has remained quiet.  I told Him I don't like that very much either.  I told Him I don't like not knowing and it causes me a lot of stress.  I told Him I don't want to do anything today.  I told Him my head knows I have a choice......embrace today and what I have been given or waste the day away with a bad attitude....but my heart has not received the memo.  And then, knowing I really needed to do it, but not really wanting to, because I knew what it would say, I opened my Bible.  I have been reading Psalms backwards and today am at Psalm 34.  I told God I didn't want to read because the early chapters in Psalms are all about David telling God to get his enemies for him....not the encouragement I was looking for.  I am already in a funk.  I didn't want to read about David's funk.  But, I went to Psalm 34 anyway, and isn't it just like God to line up the perfect Psalm for me on the perfect day.  It wasn't about David's funk at all, in fact; in the middle of all those other Psalms where he is asking God to slay his enemies and bring him vindication lies these words:

"I will bless the Lord at ALL times;  His praise shall continually be in my mouth."

Yep.  That is good.  I am looking for a blessing, cause I want God to bless me i.e. give me all the things that I want.  And this verse says, "I will Bless the Lord."  That will take a change of focus today away from me and my wants to Him and His wants i.e. His best for me.  And then it goes on to say:

"My soul will make its boast in the Lord; The humble will hear it and rejoice."

Yeah, that means I have to boast about what God has already done instead of complaining about what I want Him to do that I don't feel He has done yet and I fear He may never do.  I have to boast of His goodness in my life so that others will hear and be blessed and also rejoice in His goodness.  And then I read:

"O magnify the Lord with me, and let us exalt His name together."

Now, I not only need to bless Him, boast of Him, but I need to gather others with me and together magnify Him......just being honest.....my heart is still not getting the memo about all this.  And here is the kicker:

"I sought the Lord, and he answered me, and delivered me from all my fears."

That is the one that makes me want to cry.  He seems silent about all my wants, but loudly and clearly He is telling me to turn myself back to focusing on Him.  He is perfect love and in love there is no fear.....of anything.  No fear of not getting my wants.  No fear of the future.  No fear of the what if's, wish I could's, and wish I had's.  No fear.

So, today, as the truth in my head takes an elevator ride to the depths of my soul I am going to declare this, even thought I don't feel like it:

God is good!  He has blessed me abundantly!  I will bless His name and praise Him forever because He is a good God.  He is faithful and just.  He has cleansed me, forgiven me, and redeemed me.  What more is there to want?  He has cradled me in His right hand and has sheltered me underneath His wings.  He has not forgotten me and He has an awesome plan for me.  Even in the middle of my selfish wants and all my fears, He places Himself, stands like a rock, firm, and says to me:  Bless my name.  Praise me.  Fill your mouth with my praises. Invite others to praise me with you.  Magnify my name.  Seek me and I will answer you and take away all of your fears.

Join me today, whether your soul and heart have received the memo yet either, in praising Him.  Blessed be His name!!!  Let us stand, hand in hand, arms raised, and voices shouting to heaven and sing:  God, you are a good God!  Your mercies endure forever!  Great is your name and you are greatly to be praised!  Amen.