I often find myself in a crazy cycle. I pray. I ask God for things. He answers. If I like the answer, I sing and shout His praises. If I don't like the answer, I grump, whine, complain and doubt a bit whether He really loves me and why He doesn't seem to love me as much as my brother or sister in Christ who is getting what I want or has been receiving all of their hopes and dreams in a pretty pink hand basket. It is a really rough, emotional ride. A bit like a roller coaster. Dizzy like a merry go round.
One of the things that I have been learning more is that my need for Jesus isn't and can't be based on what He can do for me...He isn't a genie in a bottle or Santa Clause. It is, however, based on what he has already done on the cross for me. I can bring my hopes, dreams, and requests to Him knowing He will answer them with love and with the bigger picture in mind....but His answer cannot be the thing I use to choose how I respond to Him. He doesn't always answer the way I want to be answered. He is a perfect parent and takes everything into consideration and answers me accordingly. The question there is: do I trust His judgment? Do I trust Him?
If I allow His answers to be the scale on which I weigh my responses, especially when I don't like His answers, I turn into a tantrum throwing, manipulative, see-what-I-can-get-out-of-you child of God.
The thing is, God doesn't owe me anything because He has already given me everything. I desire that my response, my worship, my time, my praise is based on one thing only.....I praise Him, I desire Him, I love Him, I spend time with Him, I worship Him because of His sacrifice for me on the cross. His gift has already been given. His payment (something that was mine, but He lifted that debt for me by taking it on Himself) already paid when He chose to pay a debt I can't ever pay. My response based on this fact alone is a firm foundation compared to a response based on whether He gives me what I want right now.
It's like a read in a book recently by David Platt. God is not waiting up in heaven with a pen and paper writing my requests down as I bring them to Him. He already knows what I need before I ever whisper it to Him. What He desires and what I desire is simply time with Him. Not because He can perform for me, but because I love Him who first loved me! I want Him because of who He is, not because He is my genie in a Bible!
I will still take my requests to Him, because He said I could. Because He can handle my requests, my desires, my longings, and my hopes and dreams. He cares about what I care about because He is my Father and I am His child. But I desire that my praise no longer be hinged on whether or not He answers me the way I want Him to. It causes me to be unsteady, wishy washy, and distrustful. I don't want that. I want my feet firmly planted in the knowledge that what Jesus has already accomplished on the cross is all I need. The rest of it......the cares of this world, the distractions, are really nothing and I do not want them to any longer dictate my relationship and my response to my heavenly Father who has already given everything there is for me.
Steadily Learning and Growing in His Grace,
Melody
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