The Secret to a Joy Filled Life Part 2- Today I Choose Christ

I want to apologize to you if my blogs are sounding redundant.  I was hesitant to write more, because I have been stuck in this place of learning to rest since last spring and I realize my blogs reflect that :)  So, I ask for you to bear with me as what pours out of my heart continues to be the theme of learning to rest.

This blog is from my journal entry on October 19, 2011.  The night before I had a revelation of sorts about myself.  Rob had come home from work, and as I am in the habit of doing, I began to ask him a question.  I am full of lots of questions!  I asked him if we were going to pursue an opportunity that may be presenting itself to us in the near future.  I told Rob it is not that I have to have this opportunity or am even sure I want this opportunity, I just want to know the answer about whether or not we are going to pursue it.  I want to know, because depending on what happens tomorrow or in three months may change how I go about living my day today, the choices I make, and the activities I may choose to do.  As soon as I said it, I stopped and added.......but it probably shouldn't, should it?

I have lived my life, for a long time, allowing the future to dictate what my day today will look like.  My attitude, my activities, my choices revolve around tomorrow.  I have been putting a lot of faith and hope into what I know is coming and what is going to happen next.  I feel safe knowing my future.  It gives me hope and security.  I know how to plan and what to prepare for.  I know what purchases to make and which activities would make most sense for me to put my time and effort into.  I know that I am prepared.  I am ready.  Wow!  That is very "I" opening, isn't it?

My future should not really affect who I am today, what I do, what attitude I choose to have......my future should not be what I put my hope and faith into.  My future should not be the basis of my sense of security and safety.  It all should only rest on one person and that is Christ.  He is my future, my hope, my security and my safety.  My choices, attitudes, and actions should only revolve around and be affected by my relationship with Jesus.  He is the only one that should dictate who I am today.

Today I choose to follow Christ.  I choose His joy and I choose to be obedient to Him today, no matter what tomorrow, next month, or next year hold for me.  Today, I will choose Christ!

Matthew 6:25 says, "Therefore, I tell you,  do not worry about your life......"

The Secret to a Joy Filled Life Part 1-Living Fully

I never in one-hundred and a million years would have pegged myself as a person with anxiety.  But, alas, I believe that is the correct diagnosis.  I am not always anxious, but when it hits, it strikes hard.  I begin to worry about many things.  I worry about the future, I worry about whether I heard the voice of God correctly, I worry whether my life is being wasted, I worry about whether others have heard the voice of God correctly.  My mind swirls with "what if's....." that I never find an answer to and which usually lead to more "what if's".  I begin to problem solve problems that aren't even realistic problems yet.  A product of my worried mind.  Doubt begins to creep in.  A very persistent voice tells me I am crazy and that there is nothing more for me.

I wrestled with this a couple weeks ago.  I felt angry, frustrated, and scared that maybe the passion God has laid on my heart is simply an unrealistic dream and not attainable.  I asked God to please speak to me.  His words and His voice always soothe my soul.  It is refreshing water that pours over me.  In my journal the next  morning I wrote, "Daddy, please calm my anxious heart."  He spoke and gave me Jeremiah 29:11

"For I know the plans that I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope." 

I decided to read the verses preceding that verse and they say:

"Thus says the Lord of hosts, the God of Israel, to all the exiles whom I have sent into exile from Jerusalem to Babylon, build houses and live in them; and plant gardens, and eat their produce.  Take wives and become the fathers of sons and daughters, and take wives for your sons and give your daughters to husbands, that they may bear sons and daughters; and multiply there and do not decrease.  And seek the welfare of the city where I have sent you into exile, and pray to the Lord on its behalf; for in its welfare you will have welfare.  For thus says the Lord of hosts, the God of Israel, Do not let your prophets who are in your midst and your diviners deceive you, and do not listen to the dreams which they dream.  For they prophesy falsely to you in My name; I have not sent them declares the Lord.  For thus says the Lord, when seventy years have been completed for Babylon, I will visit you and fulfill My good word to you, to bring you back to this place.  For I know the plans that I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope.  Then you will call upon Me and come and pray to Me, and I will listen to you.  And you will seek Me and find Me, when you search for Me with all your heart.  And I will be found by you declares the Lord, and I will restore your fortunes and will gather you from all the nations and from all the places where I have driven you, declares the Lord, and I will bring you back to the place from where I sent you into exile."

God was speaking directly to my anxious heart through this passage of scripture.  He said to me,

Settle; live fully right now in the place I have put you.  Continue to live and live well.  Increase and do not decrease.  Seek peace and prosperity in this season of life you are in and you will prosper.  Do not listen to the deceiving voice.....I have not sent it.  When the time is right, I will fulfill my gracious promise and bring you out of this place.  My plans and thoughts for you are good.  I do not desire to harm you, but to bring you hope and a future.

Live Fully.  Settle yourself.  Be faithful.   I do not know the future, which is the scary part for me.  Remember, I like my ducks in a row and right now I do not have any ducks to put in a row.  I am not in control.  My comfort and my rest often lean on how much I know about what is coming next.  I feel safe when I know what tomorrow holds, when my list of things are checked off, when I know what to expect.  I feel God has taken that from me and, at this point, is giving me no clearer vision about my future than this very moment I am living in now.  It was a crutch I was leaning on.  He has left with one thing and that is Himself.  I have nothing else to look to or to rest in except Him and this is the exact position He wants me in. 

I do not know the future.  But I am slowly wrapping my brain around the fact that IT IS OK.  He is doing a new thing in me that simply could not be accomplished if I still had ducks and I was busy lining them all up and chasing down the ones that got out of line.  He has given me Himself.  He has given me this moment to live fully in for Him. 

All Things Are Possible Through Jesus Christ!

I think I have said this before, but I absolutely love when I read a section of scripture for the one millionth time, and God reveals something new to me through it!  I was reading Matthew 14:13-21 about the feeding of the 5,000.  It is one of those Bible passages I unfortunately lump together with being  a great Sunday School lesson.....I'm ashamed to admit that.....and I skim over it.  It was one of Jesus' great miracles and His name was glorified through it.  Many saw His power that day. The biggest miracle I saw, as I read this passage again, was the miracle of what happened in the hearts of His disciples.

Jesus asked His disciples to do the impossible on that day.  He instructed them to feed 5,000 men and that number does not take into account the amount of women and children that would also have been present.  They looked at Jesus dumbfounded (this is my commentary) and looked back at the amount of food they had:  five loaves of bread and two fish.  A little uncertain and feeling a bit inadequate and incapable of doing as Jesus asked they said, "We have here only five loaves and two fish."  I can only imagine how impossible they felt this task was going to be.  After all, Jesus had not said He would feed them.... He said, "....YOU give them something to eat!"

Jesus told His disciples to give to Him the food they had.  He ordered 5,000 people to sit on the ground and, taking the food provided by His disciples, He blessed it, broke it, and gave the food to the disciples to hand out to the multitude.  Imagine with me, the surprise and awe of the disciples as the food did not run out.  In my mind, I can see them handing out the bread, getting to what seemed like the end of what was in their hands and thinking, "there is never going to be enough" and then watching as the food simply did not run out!  Jesus took the bit the disciples had, multiplied it and everyone ate till they were satisfied.

After everyone was done eating, the disciples gathered the leftovers and filled up 12 baskets!  This fact alone is amazing!  They began with not enough, then they had enough....and not just enough, but they had more than enough, and ended up having more than they started with!  Can you imagine their conversation among each other at the end of the day?!  I am sure they stood in amazement of what they had seen!

Jesus showed them the possibilities of what He was able to accomplish through the little bit they had to offer.  He showed them the impossible becomes possible THROUGH HIM!  The inadequate becomes adequate THROUGH HIM!   The incapable become capable THROUGH HIM!  How encouraging and awesome this is!  Jesus did not just do that for the disciples, He does it for you and me everyday!

I often feel that I have been asked to do the impossible.  One of the impossibles in my life right now is having the amount of wisdom, patience, and understanding needed to raise an 11 year old daughter.  And yet, Jesus has given her to us and has asked us to raise her.  Most of the time, like the disciples,  I do not feel I have enough to give.  Feeling very incapable and inadequate I say to Him, "but all I have is a minimal amount of wisdom, patience, and understanding.  I don't think it is enough!"  How encouraging this section of scripture was to me as I read it.  Jesus has not asked me to have enough.  He has asked me to give Him what I have.....so that He can bless it and multiply it.....so that through Him I will have more than enough wisdom, patience, and understanding.  And when it is all said and done, there will be more left over than what I started with!

I encourage you today.  If you are feeling inadequate, incapable, and impossibilities loom in front of you, hand over to Jesus the bit you have.   He will bless it, multiply it and provide you with more than you need and then some!  He will turn your impossibility into possibilities.  He will make you adequate and very capable!  And  all things become possible THROUGH HIM!

The Example of My Heavenly Fathers Love

Yesterday morning, during my prayer time, I was struck by the wonderful fact that God is always listening to me.  It seems like such a elementary fact, but I sat in awe of it.  I did not have an eloquent prayer.  In fact, I was sort of at a lose for words, knowing that I should be praising and praying for others and so on and so forth.....At that moment, I was feeling a need for His strength for the day.  And that is when it hit me, in the middle of my rambling words and my prayer for strength, He was listening in spite of it all.  How wonderful is this!  Do you know why this is so wonderful to me?  It is because I don't listen very well.  I often have a response ready before someone speaking to me is even done with their sentence.  Or, if I am busy and the children or Rob want to say something to me, I often only listen with one ear.  When they get done talking, I realize I have no idea what they just said and I have to ask them to repeat it. Even worse, I have been known to say to my children, "don't talk to me right now" because I feel overwhelmed at that moment and I do not feel capable of holding onto anymore information.  I have even shoo-ed them away from me if I am busy or talking to someone else.  Here is a common one, "can't you see I'm talking on the phone!  What have I told you about talking to me when I am on the phone?!"

God is not that way though.  When I come to Him, He is all ears.  If I am rambling and not making sense, He still patiently listens to me.  If I am angry, ranting, and screaming out about how unfair something is or how I don't understand what He is up too.... He listens.  He never only listens with one ear and asks me to repeat it.  He never says, "don't talk to me right now, I am too busy.  Don't you know there is a crisis I am dealing with?!"  He has never said, "I can't talk to you right now, because I am talking to Georgette in Alabama.  Take a number, and I'll get to you when I can."  No, the God of the universe who holds the whole world in His hands, listens EVERY time I come to Him.  He never pushes me away.  He always embraces me.  He always lets me climb up into His lap.  He is the perfect Father!

Not only did this thought encourage my heart yesterday morning, it challenged me.  It challenged me to be more like my Daddy.  To never be too busy to listen.  To remember, the responsibilities and the cares of this world are not more important than my children telling me about their day..... even when they don't make sense or talk reeeaaaaally slow, or repeat the same sentence several times or interrupt a phone conversation.  To embrace them and allow them to climb up into my lap.  To remember the needs of those around me are MORE important than my own needs and THEY ARE WORTH THE TIME to drop everything I am doing and listen, serve, pray with, cry with, laugh with.......because that is what my Daddy does for me.  It is the example He has set for me. 

Father, How I long to be more like you.  You are always listening and always near to me.  I never have to search you out or hope that you are not busy and have a few minutes to listen.  You are always faithful, always good, and always patient with me.  You love me just the way I am, no matter what I am going through, or how I act.  You never push me away. You always embrace me.  Thank you Daddy for being a wonderful Father!  Thank you for your kindness, your goodness, and your love.  Thank you for your example.  You are always leading me and teaching me with your example.  Thank you for always encouraging me and always ministering to me.  You are so good and faithful!  Give me the strength and continue to teach me to follow your example.  Speak to me and prompt me when I begin to get impatient, push others away, and allow the business of life to take over the needs of my family and those around me.  Speak to me Holy Spirit and remind me to listen the way you listen to me.  I love you heavenly Father!  Thank you, thank you, thank you for loving me!

The No Good Grumpy Morning: A Lesson in God's Faithfulness

Yesterday morning I woke up grumpy.  I grumpily got up out of bed.  I grumpily grabbed my Bible and journal and grumpily walk downstairs to the living room where I grumpily started to tell God all about my sleepless night and all the other grumpy things that I could think up at that moment.  After a bit, I grumpily opened up my Bible and was annoyed to find out that I was going to be reading about Jonah.  I felt my first twinge of reproof for my attitude and my heart softened a bit as I thought, "sure God, have me read about Jonah.  My problems pale in comparison to what he went through."  As I began to read, God popped a section of scripture out to me I had never noticed before.  It made me stop and think.  Honestly, up to this point of reading, I had just been skimming because I know this story by heart .... and I was still a bit grumpy.  (Please don't judge me.)  Jonah 1:14-16 says:

Then they (the sailors) called on the Lord and said, "We earnestly pray, O Lord, do not let us perish on account of this man's life and do not put innocent blood on us;  for Thou, O Lord, hast done as Thou has pleased."  So they picked up Jonah, threw him into the sea, and the sea stopped its raging.  Then the men feared the Lord greatly, and they offered a sacrifice to the Lord and made vows.

I have never thought about the sailors before in the story of Jonah.  But Jonah had a big impact on them.  I am sure they did not wake up that morning anticipating a storm or that they would be throwing a man over board in order to stop the storm.  This day turned out waaaay different than any other day they had every had on the ship.  On this day, the sailors were given the opportunity to see the power of God and it changed their lives.  They were not saved when they got on the boat that morning and did not worship the one true and living God.  The Bible says that when the storm began the sailors cried out to their gods.  However, before they threw Jonah over the side of the ship, they cried out to God.  When they saw the sea cease from raging; the Bible says, they feared God, made sacrifices to Him, and made vows.  The thing that struck me was that God is forever in control.  Jonah was not supposed to be on that boat.  He was supposed to be in Nineveh.  However, because of his presence on that boat that day, 3 men were able to witness the power of God and their lives were changed.  They had a personal encounter with God and  it spoke to me in a couple different ways.

1.  It reminded me of how in control God is and that we cannot change the plan of God.   He knew before time began that Jonah would fight Him about going to Nineveh.  But that did not change God's plan.  He was still in control of the situation even when Jonah tried to take control, by doing things his own way.
2.  It reminded me of how God uses evil for good.  He took Jonah's disobedient act and used it to impact the lives of three sailors.  We focus on the lives of the Ninevites that were spared, but I wonder about these three sailors......their lives were changed also.

It is just awesome to me that in spite of what seemed like a calamity and in spite of the disobedience of a prophet, God worked miracles and brought His plan to completion.  His name was glorified through it all.  What a great reminder to me on my grumpy, grumpy morning.  God is in control.  God is always faithful.  God always has a perfect plan.....no matter how grumpy I am, and no matter what I am facing.  I can rest knowing things will be ok because He is faithful to do His perfect will and He is ALWAYS in control.

Faith Building Moments

Over the last week or so, I have had some moments of quietness that I do not relish.  Quietness might sound appealing to some :) however, I am talking about a quietness in my spiritual life where God has felt distant.  I do not like these times, but they come anyway.  Sometimes lasting a couple of weeks and other times a couple of months.  I have not understood why they come and often have been afraid that maybe I have done something to cause Him to withdraw from me.  This did not settle with me this time though, because I know He has promised to never leave me and never forsake me.  I know He has promised me unconditional love.  So, why?  Why do these times come?  I did not get an immediate answer, but God is always faithful and He gave me the answer a couple of days later.

The times when God feels distant and quiet are faith building moments.  It is easy to believe when we feel a strong emotional sense that God is near.  However, when we don't feel Him, well let me at least speak for myself, when I don't feel Him it is easy to begin to question His love and loyalty or whether He even exists at all.  Isn't that what faith is though?  Faith is believeing without seeing or feeling or hearing.  It is a declaration in which I say, I may not see you, feel you, hear you or sense your presence right now, but I KNOW you are here and that you will NEVER leave me.  The Bible says, if we have even just a teeny tiny bit of faith, we can move mountains.  It is not because of us that the mountians move, but because of the power of faith in God.  It is because we believe in the One that can move those mountains even when we sometimes cannot physically feel His presence.

Unwavering faith says, it doesn't matter what I can see, feel, or hear in this physical world.  What matters, is what I know is true in the spiritual and unseen realm.  The love of Christ, who will never leave me and never forsake me.  The physical world, our body, and our senses cannot be trusted. We can't base our faith off of it.  Our faith must be based on what is unseen.

These moments of quietness are not something to be afraid of.  They should be embraced, because in these moments our faith builds and grows in our Heavenly Father.  You know, it just hit me, that having the faith of a mustard seed may not so much be speaking about the amount of faith you have, but possibly more about how strong that faith is.  A mustard seed is very small, but it grows into a huge plant.  You don't hear the mustard seed saying," it is impossible for me to grow that big."  It simply does what it was created to do and it grows and grows and grows.  It is the kind of faith I desire.  A faith not based on what I can see or feel or hear, but a faith deeply rooted in Jesus Christ that nothing and nobody can shake.

Learning to Love

A couple of weeks ago, a very foreign thought went through my mind.  I was laying in bed, looking at my husband as he slept, and I thought, "If I know who I am in Christ and my validation comes from Christ, then I no longer need to expect anything from this man.  He simply becomes a wonderful gift from God for me to enjoy....a blessing.  Precious."  Now I know beyond a shadow of a doubt this thought did not originate from me.  I know this because I have been waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay to guilty of expecting Rob to rescue me, to fix my broken days, make things all better for me, and I have looked to him to validate me as a women.  I know this thought was placed there by a loving heavenly Father who wants me to see my husband for who he really is in my life- a gift.  Jesus desires for me to turn to Him to rescue me, to fix my broken days, make things all better for me, and to look to Him to validate me as a women.  Looking at my husband through God's eyes, frees me to love Rob simply for who he is and to take great joy in the gift he is to me.  It takes all burden of expectation off of him and I know it will free him also.

This is a new concept for me and I know I have a ways to go in putting it into practice in my life.  Just Monday night, I told Rob I needed him to fix my day for me.   Really.  That is a lot of pressure to put on someone.  They simply cannot do it . . . fix your day.  There is only one person that I know of that can fix everything and that is Jesus.  I had kind of forgotten about this thought until this morning.  I took a few minutes, ok an hour, to sit down and read a few books that I am working through.  One of them is Captivating by John and Stasi Eldredge.  One of the statements in their book, brought back the memory of that night in bed.  "No matter how much Adam pours into your aching soul, it's never enough.  He cannot fill you......Every woman has to reckon with this-this ache she tries to get her man to fill.  In order to learn how to love him, you must first stop insisting that he fill you.  We say all this as a sort of prologue because we cannot talk about loving a man well-whoever he might be in your life-until we see that we cannot look to him for things he cannot give."

Wow!  The memory of that night in bed and the thought that had swirled through my mind all came back to me.  I share this with you to encourage you to join me in this journey of learning to love your spouse, not for what he has to offer you or what he can do for you, or in hopes that he will save and rescue you-but to love him simply for who he is.  No expectations.  I encourage you to begin seeking God to validate who you are as a women and as His daughter.  Seek after Him to fix your days and to rescue you.  He desires to do so.  If you are reading this and you are a single women or young lady, I want to encourage you also.  Before you seek out a spouse, make Jesus the lover of your soul.  Allow Him to romance you and find your identity in Him alone.  Become secure in Christ first and then allow Him to lead you to the man, the gift, He has for you to share your life with.  When you know who you are in Christ first, then you are free to love as Christ loves.  No strings attached.  No expectations.  Just a desire to have a deep relationship with the one God has gifted you with.  Join me!  I am excited to see what will happen on this adventure of learning to love!