Trust, Patience, and Abraham

I have a really nasty habit of becoming restless.  I am sure it is not all bad, as it is the restless who often are motivated to get things done.  However, it is also the restless who struggle with discontentment and impatience.  I like new.  And I LOVE exciting.  Put the two together and you have my undivided attention.  Give me too much of the norm, same ol' same ol' thing, and I get droopy, bored, and restless. 

This past week, I found myself once again feeling restless.  I spent some time talking to God about it.  Laid it all out about how I was feeling. "God, I want more and I want to be part of something great and big for you."  The issue took me to my knees and in prayer and tears I become overcome with more, Jesus I just want more of you.  Everything else, my boredom, restlessness, and the many thoughts running through my head began to disappear as I realized my desire was simply for more of Jesus.  But one thought remained.  Jiggling and clanking around in the back of my mind.  "God I want to be part of something great for you." 

I am not going to try and figure out if this is a good or bad desire, because the point is what God spoke to me and has continued to speak to me since then.  Two simple phrases.  Listen. To My. Voice.  Follow. My. Voice.  "That's it?!  Just listen?  Just follow?  But the things you have given me to do, the things I have to do, they are not earth shattering and heaven shaking!"  And that is when He brought a wonderful, faithful, friend of His to my mind.  Remember Abraham?  All He did was listen to My voice and followed my voice by obeying me.  Earth was shattered and heaven was shaken.  My mind went back to what I had read that morning in Genesis.  God asked Abraham to leave his family, his land, his home, his everything and travel till God told him where to stop.  I suppose Abraham could have said, "I don't see the point in this.  What will me leaving my home accomplish for you?"  But Abraham didn't ask that.  He simply listened and followed the voice of God.  Later, God gave Abraham a promise that He would give him a son and make him the father of a countless nation.  Abraham, though he did laugh a bit and question this idea, could have said, "this is unthinkable.  Undoable.  I'm not even going to try."  But that isn't what Abraham did.  He listened and followed the voice of God.  I realize Abraham made mistakes and didn't always do things perfectly, but he did have a measure of faith, trust, and patience that led him into the promise and the will of God for his life. It led him to being called the friend of God.

My point?  I need that.  I want that.  Patience for the ideas and promises God has laid on my heart.  Abraham waiting a LONG time for Isaac.  A long time.  But God was faithful, in His time, to fulfill His promise to Abraham.  I desire to trust that what God has asked me to do, commissioned me to do, prompted me to do is for a purpose and a reason.  It is for my own good, but more importantly it is fulfilling God's purpose on earth through me.  Just like Abraham trusted that God knew what He was doing when He told Abraham to move. 

My encouragement to myself and to anyone who reads this:  God has a purpose for your life.  Those things He has called you to, no matter how small or insignificant they seem to you, become earth shattering and heaven shaking when you walk in them in love and obedience to your heavenly Father.  Those dreams He has placed in your heart?  Don't worry.  He placed them there and He will fulfill them in His timing.  Trust Him.  Listen to His voice.  Faithfully follow His voice.  Patiently wait for the fulfillment of His Word. 

What He has started He will bring to completion in and through you.  And what He has spoken will not return to Him void. 

Patiently Trust.  Listen.  Follow. 

It Is Well

Stop....for just a moment, and join me on a little journey.  Close your eyes, breathe in deep, exhale, and clear your mind of all the have-to's and the long to do list that is mentally ticking through your head.  And now imagine and step into.....the opening of a movie scene.  It is a love story.  The scene opens as the camera takes in a breath-taking scene of piles of fluffy snow blanketing the ground in a perfect winter wonderland.  The air is crisp and cold and as you breath it in, it takes your breathe away.  The trees are covered in shimmering pieces of diamond ice that glimmer in the bits of rays of sun that break through a blanket of fog.  You are taken by surprise by the emotion that rises inside of you as you
take in the beauty unfolding in front of you.  Snowflakes begin to softly fall and you let down your guard, you stick your tongue out and catch a snowflake.  You giggle, open your arms out wide and spin in utter delight and fall down only to land in a powdery spray of snow.  It blankets itself around you like a goose down comforter.  You open your eyes and take in the glory of the blue gray sky and wonder at its vastness and its perfect quietness.  Struck by the peace that is surrounding you, your heart is filled with love and joy for the One who made all of this just for you.

Beautiful, isn't it?  Wish you could actually be transported away to a wonderland of peace and quiet in which you rest in the everlasting Love of the Lover of Your Soul.....no worries, just peace, just joy?

This is what I felt challenged with this morning as I drove home from dropping my children off at school.  That perfect wonderland, created by the One who loves me more than life, doesn't have to be imagined.  It is here, already.  I was overcome by the beauty of the snow landscape this morning, the glistening of the trees, and the mystery of the fog.  Gorgeous!  Cold?  Yes!  But, I am challenged by the thought that it is so easy to miss out on the beauty that is around us because we are focused on the negative side of things.  We miss the beauty of the forest because of that one big annoying tree we can't get around.  Instead of taking in the glory of what is all around us, we sit and stew and pout over that one stinkin' tree......and we miss out.

Listen, I know, this winter has been cold, hard, expensive, inconvenient and we are all getting good and ready for the bright summer sun, green leaves, shorts, and sun tans.  I am not trying to belittle the trouble this winter has been, but I have to challenge myself.  I can focus on the negative and be stuck in an attitude of doom and gloom OR I can focus on the beauty.  It's gorgeous!  It is a perfect, peaceful wonderland glistening with HIS love for me.  That thought puts a smile on my face in light of below zero temps, stuck vans, frost on the INSIDE of my windows, and cold fingers and toes.  It helps me to smile in the midst of all the rest.

I desire to apply this to every area of my life.  Is it not the hope that He offers to us in a world that is less than perfect?  In the midst of hard times does He not still offer us His beauty, His peace, and His love in abundance so that we cannot help but say, "It is well" and  be able to laugh in joy at the future and things to come?

I am going to leave us with the words of a song penned by Horatio Spafford.  It is easy to sing a song and not realize the pain through which the words were birthed.  Horatio Spafford lived through the 1871 Chicago Fire which ruined him financially.  His further business interests were hit hard during the economic downturn of 1873.  During this time, he and his family, planned to make a trip to Europe.  At the last minute, Horatio's plans changed because of business issues he needed to deal with and he was not able to join his wife and his daughters on the SS Ville du Havre.  While crossing the Atlantic, the ship collided with another vessel and sank rapidly.  All four of his daughters died.  His wife survived and sent him a telegram with these words...."Saved alone."  Shortly after, Horatio boarded another ship to meet up with his grieving wife and as he passed by the area where his daughters had died, he was inspired to write this now famous hymn:

It Is Well With My Soul
(Original lyrics)^[1]
When peace like a river, attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot, Thou hast taught me to know,^a
It is well, it is well, with my soul.
Refrain:
It is well, (it is well),
With my soul, (with my soul)
It is well, it is well, with my soul.
Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come,
Let this blest assurance control,
That Christ has regarded my helpless estate,
And hath shed His own blood for my soul.
My sin, oh, the bliss of this glorious thought!
My sin, not in part but the whole,
Is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more,
Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!
For me, be it Christ, be it Christ hence to live:
If Jordan above me shall roll,
No pang shall be mine, for in death as in life,
Thou wilt whisper Thy peace to my soul.
But Lord, 'tis for Thee, for Thy coming we wait,
The sky, not the grave, is our goal;
Oh, trump of the angel! Oh, voice of the Lord!
Blessed hope, blessed rest of my soul.
And Lord, haste the day when my faith shall be sight,
The clouds be rolled back as a scroll;
The trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend,
A song in the night, oh my soul! <sup>b

a</sup> "know" (at the end of the third line) was changed to "say".
^b "A song in the night, oh my soul" (last line)
was changed to "Even so, it is well with my soul".

True Beauty

Recently, God has brought back to me a section of scripture that I had put on the back burner for awhile because I didn't really like it's implications.  I did not want to face the work He was wanting to do on my heart, cause let's face it; when He chisels, it hurts.  I didn't want to admit I even needed this part of my life worked on.  I have to be completely honest, even though I have raised the white flag of surrender in this area, it is work for me to keep that flag raised, because some days, I would rather do things my way.

1 Peter 3 is one of those sections of scripture that us women don't like to always talk about.  The area of submission can bring up all kinds of emotions and thoughts.  God has taught me a lot already about submission, that it isn't a stomping on of who I am, but a protection and a covering on my life.  I have learned to appreciate and love walking in submission, although, ask my hubby and God; I don't always do it perfectly.  It actually wasn't the first two verses of 1 Peter 3 that I was struggling with, it was the ones that follow:

"Your adornment must no be merely external-braiding the hair, and wearing gold jewelry, or putting on dresses; but let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God."

I knew these verses we intended to do a work in my heart, cause I could feel my spirit react and tears threatened to fall from my eyes and down my face.  I knew there was something deeper to this than just talking about what I choose to wear as jewelry and if I should even wear jewelry at all.  There was more to it than if I should braid my hair, wear it down, in curls, or completely cover it.  There was something deeper.  I struggled with this verse for a couple of days and then God opened my eyes to better understand my hang up.  Gentleness, quietness, meekness all are signs of weakness to me.....They all feed into the one thing I really hate and that is being unheard, misunderstood, and walked all over like a rag rug.  These are things in my life, that as a young teenage girl I had said, " I will never let anyone run all over me.  I will be heard.  I will stand up and fight."

What God began to reveal to me, though, is that strength is not found in bullying my way through, shouting the loudest, and making sure I bring about justice, but true strength comes from allowing Him to fight for me.  If I allow Him to fight for me, I don't have to be worried about being run over, unheard, or misunderstood.  All that fight in me, is like all that jewelry, fancy clothing, and perfectly coifed hair.  They are all a distraction of the true beauty that is laying underneath it all.  It is a distraction of the finer thing....simplicity, sweet obedience, meekness, gentleness....which are far more valuable and beautiful then the sparkling distraction of the jewelry. 

Monkey in A Jar

  You know that story, the one about how to catch a monkey?  You put beans or a banana in a jar.  Then you wait.  When the monkey comes, he sees the treat and the temptation is too great.  He sticks his hand in the jar and grabs a hold of his treasure, only to find, that now he can't remove his hand from the jar because his fist is too big to get through the jars opening.  Refusing to let go of what he holds grasped in his hand, he finds himself stuck and vulnerable because he is too focused on keeping his hand in a tight, balled fist, desperate to hang on to what he has found.

I am that monkey.  I find myself with my hand stuck in a jar because I am having a hard time letting go of my wants, desires, wishes, and dreams.  I don't want to let go, because if I do, I may never be able to have my dreams.  What if I never get to experience them?  Fear of loosing what I want, keeps me there, stuck, vulnerable, and attached to this silly jar.

I have been in this place before.  (you would think I might have learned my lesson the first time).  I once was so wrapped up in my self worth and how I felt about myself that I couldn't let go of doing things my way instead of God's way.  I was afraid if I gave God the control He would take with it what I desired the most; to feel loved, wanted, desirable, good enough.  Eventually, I let go, gave God the control, and experienced freedom I had never had before.  Not only did I have freedom, but I found God also gave me the desire of my heart and taught me and showed me how much He loved me, wanted me, desired me, and that I was good enough for Him. 

But lately, I have found myself with my hand stuck back in the jar over other issues and I feel God calling again for me to let go of my dreams, my hopes, my wants and slip my hand back out of that jar.  I know He will supply all of my needs, but what if my needs are not what I want?  What if His desire and plan for my life is not what I desire and doesn't match up with my plans?  What if it is isn't pretty?  What if it isn't nice?  What if He asks me to sacrifice?  These are my fears.  And yet, I know from previous experience, that when I let go, God begins to work.  He doesn't leave me hanging.  He fills the desires of my heart and brings me freedom.  He works good in my life and it is usually better than I could have imagined.

I have moments, even days, where I find myself loosening my grip and begin to slip my hand from that jar.  In those times, I feel peace, freedom, and joy.....and then just as quickly the fear of the unknown creeps back in and in my worry and anxiety; my hand shoves down to the bottom and I grab back onto my treasure.

Today, I want to let go.  For good.  No matter what the outcome is.  I want to leave my dreams in that jar, remove my hand, and grab the hand of my heavenly Father instead.  Hanging on to Him for dear life instead of my dreams.  Knowing that beside Him I will find safety and freedom.

Philippians 4:6-7 talks about the "monkey in the jar" syndrome.  It spells it out and even tells me exactly what I can expect to happen when I let go. 

"Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God;  and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus."

I will paraphrase in my own words:

Don't worry and don't be afraid.  Instead of hanging on so tightly, relax your fist, give thanks and don't complain and whine.  Lay your requests at the feet of Jesus.  When you do this, you will experience a peace that you cannot understand and your heart and your mind will be guarded and protected from anymore worry, fear, and anxiety.

Take my life today, Lord, and let it be, all for you.  Let nothing, no worldly goods, wants or desires, get in the way of your perfect plan for my life.  I lay at your feet all my hearts desire knowing that you will provide for me as you always have.  I give thanks for your peace that will cover my heart and my mind today from unfounded fears and a heart full of anxiety.  I put my hope and my trust, my heart and my desires, my plans and my dreams in You.  Amen

Hurumph!

I will just admit this right now.  This posting is more for me than you, but I know I need to proclaim it, so I pray in my proclaiming that you will be also blessed.

This is one of those weeks or maybe months.  Not because anything really drastic is wrong, but just because things aren't moving fast enough for me.  I am not getting the answers I want.  I have not been able to find any easy solutions or quick remedies or random money laying around so I can just go do what I want.  It has put me in a funk.  A deep down, grouchy, you-probably-don't-want-to-talk-to-me-today kind of funk cause I'm likely just to complain.  I laid this all out this morning to God.  And yesterday morning too.  I told him EXACTLY how I feel, thankful He can handle my funky days.  I told Him things are not going my way, that I want answers, and clear direction.....but He has remained quiet.  I told Him I don't like that very much either.  I told Him I don't like not knowing and it causes me a lot of stress.  I told Him I don't want to do anything today.  I told Him my head knows I have a choice......embrace today and what I have been given or waste the day away with a bad attitude....but my heart has not received the memo.  And then, knowing I really needed to do it, but not really wanting to, because I knew what it would say, I opened my Bible.  I have been reading Psalms backwards and today am at Psalm 34.  I told God I didn't want to read because the early chapters in Psalms are all about David telling God to get his enemies for him....not the encouragement I was looking for.  I am already in a funk.  I didn't want to read about David's funk.  But, I went to Psalm 34 anyway, and isn't it just like God to line up the perfect Psalm for me on the perfect day.  It wasn't about David's funk at all, in fact; in the middle of all those other Psalms where he is asking God to slay his enemies and bring him vindication lies these words:

"I will bless the Lord at ALL times;  His praise shall continually be in my mouth."

Yep.  That is good.  I am looking for a blessing, cause I want God to bless me i.e. give me all the things that I want.  And this verse says, "I will Bless the Lord."  That will take a change of focus today away from me and my wants to Him and His wants i.e. His best for me.  And then it goes on to say:

"My soul will make its boast in the Lord; The humble will hear it and rejoice."

Yeah, that means I have to boast about what God has already done instead of complaining about what I want Him to do that I don't feel He has done yet and I fear He may never do.  I have to boast of His goodness in my life so that others will hear and be blessed and also rejoice in His goodness.  And then I read:

"O magnify the Lord with me, and let us exalt His name together."

Now, I not only need to bless Him, boast of Him, but I need to gather others with me and together magnify Him......just being honest.....my heart is still not getting the memo about all this.  And here is the kicker:

"I sought the Lord, and he answered me, and delivered me from all my fears."

That is the one that makes me want to cry.  He seems silent about all my wants, but loudly and clearly He is telling me to turn myself back to focusing on Him.  He is perfect love and in love there is no fear.....of anything.  No fear of not getting my wants.  No fear of the future.  No fear of the what if's, wish I could's, and wish I had's.  No fear.

So, today, as the truth in my head takes an elevator ride to the depths of my soul I am going to declare this, even thought I don't feel like it:

God is good!  He has blessed me abundantly!  I will bless His name and praise Him forever because He is a good God.  He is faithful and just.  He has cleansed me, forgiven me, and redeemed me.  What more is there to want?  He has cradled me in His right hand and has sheltered me underneath His wings.  He has not forgotten me and He has an awesome plan for me.  Even in the middle of my selfish wants and all my fears, He places Himself, stands like a rock, firm, and says to me:  Bless my name.  Praise me.  Fill your mouth with my praises. Invite others to praise me with you.  Magnify my name.  Seek me and I will answer you and take away all of your fears.

Join me today, whether your soul and heart have received the memo yet either, in praising Him.  Blessed be His name!!!  Let us stand, hand in hand, arms raised, and voices shouting to heaven and sing:  God, you are a good God!  Your mercies endure forever!  Great is your name and you are greatly to be praised!  Amen.

Spider Webs

This year I seem to have been blessed with an abundance of spiders and spider webs in my house.  Ugh!  Seeing them and cleaning them always brings a little lesson repeatedly to my mind and my heart.

In my house, I sometimes see the spider webs.  You know, the big ones with a big old spider in the middle of it happily residing in the corner of my bedroom.  It is extremely visible and I know I need to get the sweeper out and get rid of the thing.  Other times, I can't see the webs, unless I take the time to shine a light up into the corners of the rooms and illuminate the darkness, revealing the web.  God keeps using these every day 8 legged creatures and their homes to speak directly into my heart, because there are certain things in my life;  sins, attitudes, and actions that are evident.  I can see them and so can everyone else.  I know these issues need to be taken cared of...swept up and dealt with quickly.  They are sometimes the easier ones to take care of because they seem like "bigger sins" even though there is no difference between sins.  I personally think, the "bigger" ones are only "bigger" to us if we know other people can see them.  We don't want people to think we have issues.....so we clean those "bigger" sins up right away.  However, there are these "little" sins.  They like to hide in the nooks and crannies of our lives, in the darkness where no one can see them, sometimes not even us.  To find them, we have to shine a light, be proactive and search them out.    Even if we are aware of them, we are not as likely to do anything about them because, they are so "small" and easy to forget about.  They don't really bother us and aren't "big" enough for others to see and judge us on.  So, in the corners they stay. 

This is what I have felt God share with me every time I get my sweeper out and start cleaning up cobwebs and every time I shine the light of the sweeper wand into the corner and find a multitude of nasty webs......It is time to clean up the webs.  The "big" ones and the "small" ones.  The ones people can see AND the ones that are hidden and "small" that no one but maybe I can see.  It is time to clean house.  It is time to stop making excuses and deal with the hurts, the pains, the anger, the attitudes, the secret addictions.  It is time to shine the light of God's sweeper wand up into the corners of our soul and then allow Him to sweep it all away.  And that is the great news, because He is capable of cleaning it all up if we allow Him too.  See, it was all already covered, paid for, and defeated on the cross of Calvary, we just sometimes hang onto it still.....cause it is easier.  And honestly, sometimes, we like to dwell in our secret cob web infested homes.  It is more comfortable and familiar to us.  We can sometimes be afraid of allowing God to sweep away things in our lives we have become used to and accustomed to because we don't know what it would be like to live without them.  If we allow God to take away bitterness, anger, and unforgiveness towards someone, then that might mean what they did to us was ok and excuse their behavior.....so we think it is just best to stay mad, punish them just a little longer, think and speak unkind words about them, because they need to understand what they did was NOT OK!  Or if we allow God to clean up a secret addiction then we may feel vulnerable in our emotions.  What will it be like not to have my drug of choice to nurse my feelings back to happy?  How will I possibly function?  Or what if allowing God to sweep it all away will cause me to loose my identity?

Here is what I know is promised by our Savior when we allow Him to come in, take up residents, set up house, and clean out cob webs.....where there was once anger, bitterness, and unforgivenss, that web will be replaced with love, joy, and His heart, His eyes, His thoughts towards the one(s) whom offended us.  Where secret addictions once took up residence, that web will be replaced with His strength which is made perfect in our complete weakness.  And our old identities, those webs will be replaced with His identity in us!  God does not clean out what He doesn't intend to fill back up with Himself.

What are our cobwebs?  What are the "big" sins?  What are the "small" issues in our lives?  Whichever and whatever they are, one thing is true....It is time to clean house!  It is time to allow God to wipe it all away and replace it with Himself and who He is.  Who is ready to do some cleaning?

Esther: The Rest of the Story

It has been awhile since I have posted.....cause I lost the Bible with my notes in it :)  Anyway, this last piece continues to be on my heart, because I think God is doing a work inside of my own heart in this area.  It is the area of patience, trust, and faith. 

In the last post, I mentioned how Esther took the time to fast and pray before jumping right into trying to fix the problem.  I like to jump right in and if an answer doesn't present itself quickly enough, I become anxious.  However, Esther, though she may and most likely did feel a measure of anxiety and fear because of the situation, still took the time to seek God.  The flip side to this, as you read the rest of the book of Esther is this:  In her seeking and waiting, she allowed God to work in the background in His time and His way. 

Often in my haste to find an answer and a solution, I bulldoze past God and try to make my own way.  Not that I am bigger then God or stronger than Him, but what I mean is I take control instead of giving Him control.  A lot can be lost when we do things are own way and on our own time.  When we forget to seek Him first and wait for His direction, we miss out on what He is doing in the background.  It is the stuff we can't see, nor do we know about until He is ready to reveal it to us.  But when we take over, we miss that part.  And that part is important.  Because, it is always His perfect will for us.  His timing and His way is always perfect and best.