A Balm in Gilead: The Witness Heap

In all honesty, I am not sure how to start this post.  So, I am just going to begin with that fact and get it out of the way! 

I have been struggling the last 2 1/2 weeks with an ugly monster that unfortunately is not a stranger to me.  It is depression.  I know that I have been set free from depression, so I have refused to claim it.  I have been seeking God, "why!? is this back?"  I have warded off thoughts that something must be wrong with me or maybe I have done something wrong.  A sin perhaps, that I have committed . . . ?  No, with each thought, I have smacked it down.  That is not truth.  There is nothing wrong with me, and if I have committed a sin, God would not bring depression on me as discipline.  He is gentle and loving and that is not how He works.  Never out of condemnation and darkness, but always, always out of hope and light. 

Last Friday, I was feeling particularly out of sorts.  Our family got done eating supper and I just wanted to keep eating as a way of drowning out my feelings.  (This doesn't work by the way.  It only leads to addictions.)  I felt an absolute need to go upstairs to my room and read my Bible.  As I read, a sweet peace began to wash over me and the words "balm in Gilead" went through my mind.  My initial thought was how absolutely healing the Word of God is!  There is so much power in His Word!  Over the last couple days, I have begun to dig a little deeper into this phrase.

It comes from Jeremiah 8:22.   Jeremiah is lamenting over the state of God's people.  "Is there no balm in Gilead?  Is there no physician there?  Why then has not the health of the daughter of my people been restored?"  I don't normally look up commentaries, but I decided to this time.  I don't remember the name of the guy that wrote the commentary.  All I remember is two things. One: it was written in the 1800's and two: the Hebrew definition for Gilead.  Gilead means "rocky region" and, according to the Greek/Hebrew Lexicon Bible, probably comes from the root word Gal'ed.  Gal'ed means "witness heap".  This caught my attention.

A witness heap.  There is healing in our witness.  Or in our testimony . . .   In our testimony of what God has done in our lives, we will find healing.  We often feel like we have to hide the truth about who we really are.  I don't like to admit that I was depressed, and  I am not referring to simply having a few bad days.  I was depressed to the point of not showing up for work, dropping out of college, and not getting out of bed.  I had suicidal thoughts and felt worthless and unloved.  I especially do not like to admit that over the last 2 1/2 weeks, I have been struggling!  It is embarrassing and I don't want others to know.  It is a fear of letting down my walls in order to let others see the "real me".  It is a very vulnerable place to let others see into us and to be intimate with others about our lives and what we have been through.  However, the phrase, "balm in Gilead" speaks to letting down our walls.  Letting others see in and sharing with them what God has done.  There is a balm in the witness heap!  Why?  Because, we open ourselves up, to share with others the goodness of God in our lives!  We are no longer hiding behind fear and condemnation, but we are jumping out into the light of God's love, opening up our lives, letting His light shine in so brightly that everyone can see what He has done!

Let me tell you what He has done in my life!  God has delivered me from depression.  He has delivered me from feeling that I am unloved and worthless.  I still have days when these feelings rear their ugly head.  But I know the truth now.  I can fight off those feelings with God's truth.  I have been fearfully and wonderfully made, wonderful are the works of God! (Psalm 139:14)  God has taken a very sad, depressed and despondent young lady and filled me with His joy.  I am not what I used to be and that is a cause for celebration!

I want to encourage you.  I do not know where you are at right now, what your life is like, or the things that you have been through.  But I do know, that what God has done in my life, He can also do in yours.  There is hope!  I encourage you, with what was shared with me this past Sunday by a dear women in our church.  Continue to press into God.  He has not abandoned you and you are not alone!  Psalm 66:10-12 says, "For Thou has tried us, O God;  Thou has refined us as silver is refined.  Thou didst bring us into the net; Thou didst lay an oppressive burden upon our loins.  Thou didst make men ride over our heads; We went through fire and through water; YET THOU DIDST BRING US OUT INTO A PLACE OF ABUNDANCE.  He will bring you out into a place of abundance!

For those of you who have found healing and freedom, but are afraid to share with others what God as done in your life, I also encourage you.  Do not be afraid.  Be a "witness heap"!  There is no condemnation!  (Romans 8:1)  Through your pain and your experiences God has shined His light, so that you can be a "witness heap" to those around you.  Do not keep it to yourself!  You will not only find more relief and freedom in your own life as you share with those around you, (you will no longer be hiding behind those walls built up to protect yourself  from rejection and judgement) but you will also be offering the hope, the "balm", of Christ Jesus to others.

Bless you today as you step out of pain, depression, loss, condemnation, fear, anger, rejection, hopelessness, bondage; and into God's healing, light, love, hope, joy, peace and freedom!  Be a witness heap!